"Get your stupid cattle off my chess board!" shouted the Bearded Goat God to the Sun God.
"Not likely," responded the Sun God, a small man wearing a rather large crown.
"if you don't move 'em, I keep 'em, and don't think I won't!" shouted the goat, "Unless you'd care to challenge yourself with a game of chess."
"I don't think so Toastee, you cheat." replied the Sun God, "No, I've got a better idea. Let's play games with the lives of men, shall we?"
"I'm up for it," he responded. "You may start."
"Why, thank you Toastee. You're too kind."
"Don't call me Toastee," growled the Goat God. And so the games began...
"WHAT?!" shrieked Itsy the Moon Queen at the top of her small but powerful lungs.
"Calm down, dear," said the Sun King. After all those years he still hadn't gotten used to that. "George Jr. is the heir to the throne, it was to be expected that he'd have to go on a great adventure and rescue a princess before he can legally become King. What if something should happen to me? It's better if it's settled now."
"But YOU didn't go on a great adventure," Itsy started.
"Or save a princess," added Paul.
"But I did overcome a great evil -- my mother," said the King.
"No, Paul did that." Polly replied, smirking.
"Well, then I overcame the overwhelming forces that wanted me to smack the shmarminess out of Paul," the King explained. Paul sulked, and so did Polly on his behalf.
"But let's get this straight," George Jr. began. "you never did any of those things, so why should I have to? You're King, you can change the law, can't you?"
"It's not that simple , son," the King explained (although not really,) "It's the principal of the thing. In order to be a good King you must understand such responsibilities."
"But dad-"
"No buts!" said the King, "Now get out there and do your royal duties, or we'll make you marry Julia!"
"NO!" shouted George Jr. "Fine, I'll go!"
Julia was Paul and Polly's daughter, who had a lot of recessive traits. Whereas Paul had brown hair and brown eyes, and Polly had dark red hair and hazel eyes, Julia was blond with great, big blue eyes. Her waist was non-existent, she was worse at Math than her mother, and more confused than her father. She was also dumber than a box of rocks. (No offense to the rocks.) But she would've fit in perfectly if she'd been in any Disney Animated Classic. Unfortunately for her, this is not a Disney Animated Classic.
George Jr. went on his way to find adventure and a princess to save his sanity, which he had kept, much like his father, who was still holding onto his last bit after living with Itsy for so many years. No sooner had he left down the Long & Winding Road then he tripped and heard the maniacal laughter of a small green frog wearing a magician's hat. She dragged him to a cave somewhere.
"I bet you hate it here," smirked the frog. George Jr. looked around.
"Actually it's not too bad," replied George Jr. "It beats the heck outta marrying Julia."
"Julia?" asked Cat the Frog. (What other frog would it've been?)
"Paul and Polly's daughter," he responded, making a face. Cat's smirk spread even wider.
"Paul, heh?" she asked.
"Yeah, why do you care?" George Jr. asked. "Wait, are you that frog he keeps having nightmares about? Boy, you've got him paranoid."
"Heh, heh!" laughed Cat. "Listen, I'll let you go if you can get him to come here, without Polly, that is. She's too much for me to handle, with those feet and all."
"I'll get him here," assured George Jr. "but one more thing, or no deal. You'll need to find me a princess to rescue, preferably beautiful, ah heck, anyone except for Julia. I think she really IS a princess too." The Evil Sorceress turned Paul into a prince, remember, and Polly's princess NeB, so I guess Julia would be a princess.
"You've got a deal!" Cat agreed, and released him.
"Uncle Paul!" George Jr. called and knocked on his door.
"Just a sec!" he called back, and opened the door wiping some lipstick off of his face. "Aren't you supposed to be off fighting dragons, or something?" he asked.
"Yeah," George Jr. answered back. "But I heard some heavenly voices in the forest that I though you'd be interested in for your symphony."
"Really?" he asked excitedly. "Heavenly voices?!" He called back to Polly, "Dear, I have to leave! George Jr.'s found some heavenly voices for my symphony!"
"Good grief!" she called back, "You and your heavenly voices!"
"I heard them right over here," assured George Jr., leading the bored bard into Cat the Frog's trap. Paul took a step forward, and the next thing he knew, he was hanging up-side-down from a tree.
"What the..." asked Paul. "This is not a heavenly voice...or at least I don't think it is..."
"Heh, heh!" laughed Cat the Frog from a nearby branch. "So we meet again."
"AAAAGGGHH!" screamed Paul. "Why can't you just leave me alone?!"
"Okay," George Jr. said, growing bored and impatient. "I did my half of the bargain, how about yours, your Frogliness?"
"The princess is in Grossyuck Castle somewhere across the Sea of Green. I've arranged a boat for you, a large, unsinkable cruise boat called the 'Gigantic.' Paul here's gonna go for a ride on it too, and I'll throw him overboard halfway there. The water's pretty cold and the sea creatures are pretty blood-thirsty. Let's see how many times you die before coming back ashore." She said with a laugh.
"I don't see what you have against me," Paul complained as he sat in a cage somewhere in the lower decks of the 'Gigantic.'
"You're a stupid, self-centered man," replied Cat.
"Hey, I may be stupid and self-centered, but I am certainly not a -- wait a minute..." The frog laughed with delight.
"I can't wait 'till Polly hears that one," laughed George Jr.
"Listen you little royal pain in the-" Paul started, but was cut off by a loud, ship-shaking thud. "What was that?!"
"My cue to scram!" Cat said, disappearing. "Don't you know all 'unsinkable' boats sink?"
"Bye Uncle Paul," said George Jr, running out to get on one of the not-enough lifeboats.
"Aren't you even gonna help me out?!" shouted Paul.
"You'll be fine," he stated, "I, on the other hand, won't." He ran away, but bumped into Polly on his way out the door. She had a shot-gun.
"Polly?!" Paul exclaimed, "How did you find me?"
"Well, after a while I realized that people just don't FIND heavenly voices." She shot the gun at the lock on the cage. "There ya go," The water came flooding in. "We'd better run if we want to be part of the action!" she said with a grin.
After a few hours of panic on the sinking ship, the 'Gigantic' broke in half, and everyone was rushing to get to the tip of the boat, now almost entirely at a ninety degree angle to the water. Most of the Gigantic's passengers were already in the water, dead or dying, but those left hung on to the remaining half of the ship. Polly and Paul had finally made their way up to the tip pointing to the star-lit sky, only to find a guy, named Ryan, and another guy with a curly red wig, named Jugador, to be sitting there, having a romantic-dramatic scene. Paul calmly and rationally explained to them why they should move. Ryan refused.
"Move it, Bub!" demanded Paul, and slugged the guy in the face, sending him to a watery grave.
"I still believe in miracles!" he shouted before hitting the water.
Then a large crowd of people came out of nowhere and threw Jugador overboard with him. The people rejoiced. Paul climbed on top, and pulled Polly up with him. As the boat sank further, Polly jumped and shouted "I'M GONNA LIVE-mmphirrp!" She was soon pulled back up above the water by Paul, who was sitting in a boat made out of cheese.
"Another good thing about extinct Cheese-weasels," he said, just before giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation which wasn't really necessary.
They picked up George Jr, who was lying on a piece of the debris left over from the once titanic ship, the 'Gigantic.' "I need to get to that castle!" he said as they washed up on a sandy beach. "It's called Grossyuck, right?"
"Yep," replied Paul. "Look," he said pointing to a castle. There was a princess sitting at one of the windows, but King Kiki seemed to be climbing up the castle wall to save her.
"Oh my brave King Kiki," said the princess. "You have finally come to save me from all of this Nonsense!"
"What is your name, oh fairest maiden of all the fairest maidens," asked King Kiki as he reached the princess' window.
"Karl," stated the princess. "Now kiss me, you silly red hunk of a man!"
Kiki blushed, then asked, "Karl?" They kissed, and the story moves on.
George Jr. arrived back at the Glass Castle, along with Polly and Paul, empty-handed. "I didn't save a princess," he explained to his parents. "Some other guy got to her just seconds before I did."
"And you didn't challenge him?" asked the King, disappointed.
"But they made such a cute couple," George Jr. said. "I guess I'm gonna have to marry Julia now, aren't I?"
"Yes," Itsy said. But suddenly, Julia came in skipping, and holding hands with a huge football player jock-type guy.
"Hi ya, Georgie!" she said to George Jr, and snapped her gum. "Everyone, this is Rex. Rex and I are going off and eloping. Sorry Georgie."
"YES!" shouted George Jr joyfully, then saw his mother's unamused face. "I mean, uh, that's too bad. Have fun you two crazy kids!"
"Mom?" A young Desmond asked, "Where's Julia going?"
"Who knows," replied Polly.
"Is she coming back?" he asked.
"I don't know."
"Woo hoo!" exclaimed little Desmond. Polly smiled.
"Fine, take your stupid cows!" yelled the Goat God bitterly. "But next time we're playing Monopoly!"
"Wait," said the Sun God. "One last thing..."
The only light came from a dim lamppost, under which stood George and Paul. Both were wearing wigs, fish-net stockings, short skirts, tight shirts over stuffed bras, and too much make-up. A car pulled up to the curb.
"Hey sailor," said Paul, winking.
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