Chapter Twenty-One: Good Horsey

The cast list was posted after dinner and David was fairly satisfied with his part, the doctor who saved Oliver at the end of the story. Not a large part, but then again, he didn't really want a large part. He liked working on the backstage elements of shows almost more than being on stage anyway, and he was always afraid of screwing up once he was actually performing.

Though he did note with a slight brotherly pride that Les had been cast as Oliver. He wasn't surprised, considering he'd seen Les fake being sickly a number of times to stay home from school, and he'd always thought that Les's slight, pathetic cough was Dickensian.

And he noted that the rest of the show was also fairly well cast—Mush was Fagin, the thief and gang leader who took Oliver in; and Blink had been cast as Bill Sykes, the ruthless criminal who died in the end. David almost laughed at that; the two of them would probably play those roles up perfectly. Well. Mush would do it perfectly and Blink, David suspected, would alternate between overacting and breaking character. But it would be fun either way.

Despite the excitement of the day, the cabin was pretty subdued that night. David had expected Blink to be energetic and smug all night, but he seemed oddly quiet, looked kind of like he was going to puke, and had disappeared into the bathroom for twenty minutes—only to come out clutching a pale blue, dripping wet doll, then stash it in his stuff as soon as people started to notice it. David had just raised an eyebrow; if Blink wanted to bring a doll to camp with him... Well, Blink was weird anyway.

Race also seemed kind of irritated, even though he'd come out on top playing the bookie at the race earlier. But he didn't seem to be in the mood to talk either. Instead he just pulled on a set of headphones and stared out the window.

Mush was a bit more cheerful, though he kept pestering Blink, and that lead to Blink just saying he didn't feel well and asking to be left alone, which lead to Mush sulking. Snitch and Skittery were both down at the dining hall for late night snack, and Sneakers had his day off so he was out of camp for the evening.

David lay down on his bunk with a pad of paper and a pen; Dear Mom was already written on the top of the page, but he was stuck there. A breeze came in from the doors and he pulled his sweatshirt hood up—and realized abruptly that it wasn't his sweatshirt; he was still wearing Jack's from that morning. He smiled slightly; something about having Jack's sweatshirt on felt comforting.

He began to doodle mindlessly in the margins of the paper, unconnected scribbles and shapes, and thought about Jack. It was odd; he couldn't really picture his few friends from home that clearly in his mind, but as he closed his eyes slightly he could see Jack's face clearly—his smile, his eyelashes, the hair that hung in his face, escaping the bandana.

David continued doodling, smiling to himself. He liked thinking about Jack, it reminded him of all the reasons he liked camp. People there were nice, they accepted him as no weirder than the rest of them, and they were... Friendly.Not like school.

He wondered what it would be like for Jack at school, the difference between Jack at camp and Jack at home. Because at camp he was so warm, it was hard to picture anyone disliking him, but David knew that he had serious problems at home... Camp was his escape, his safe place. It was good he had that, David decided. Jack definitely deserved somewhere to be safe and happy, and people who would make him feel safe and happy.

Snitch and Skittery eventually made their way back to the cabin, and Maverick came over from Ferguson to tell them it was lights out make sure they were all okay and in bed. David dropped his notebook, letter still not even started, on the floor, and rolled over, still wearing the sweatshirt, and drifted off quickly. As he fell asleep, something Racetrack had said earlier in the week floated through his mind: "I'd like to think I'd be open to it if there was ever a boy... That I wouldn't be so straight that I'd limit myself from something that could be really good."

He slept well that night.

*

The argument started before breakfast. David was not at his best in the mornings, and frankly he'd always though Skittery was a bit insane anyway. Anyone who liked horses that much, he mused, must secretly be an eight-year-old-girl. (And that thought lead to thoughts of Skittery with braids and a sundress, which he luckily shook out of his head before anyone noticed him trying not to laugh while he and Skittery bickered.)

"I still say Fraidycat is a good nickname."

"And I say you're a freak," David replied.

"I mean, you're way too old to be afraid of horses."

"I am not afraid of horses!"

"Uh huh."

"I'm not." David scowled as the group made their way out of the cabin for breakfast. David was his usual, grumpy self in the morning, and morning seemed to be the only time Skittery was genuinely cheerful, which David decided made him even more annoying.

The boys from Ferguson caught up with them on the main path, and the general rumble of voices grew louder. "Spot, Spot," Skittery called, motioning Spot over. Spot gave him a vaguely bored, appraising look; it was calculating, like every other look Spot gave anyone. But he did join them as they walked. "Spot, isn't it dumb for a sixteen-year-old to be afraid of horses?"

Spot smirked at David. "Yeah, definitely."

"See, David? You're a wuss."

"I am not a wuss, and I'm not afraid of horses!" he answered indignantly.

"Spot, you ever seen him at the stables?"

"Nope, definitely never."

"I don't like horses, I'm not afraid of horses!"

"Prove it," Spot answered.

David stared at him. "What?"

"Prove it." He shrugged. "You're not afraid of horses, go to the stables with us after lunch and... You know, make nice with the horses."

"I..." Davd swallowed. "Um, well, I'm not afraid of them, but I can't ride or anything." He bit his lip slightly and hoped that would be a good enough excuse.

"Who said you had to ride one?" Skittery answered quickly. "You can just go in and pet one. Unless you're scared."

"I..."

An arm was slung around his shoulder and he looked over to see Racetrack, who was forcibly interjecting himself into the conversation. "He can't, he's got an extra rehearsal after lunch today, right?"

David blinked.

"Right, Dave?" Race said again, squeezing his shoulder slightly.

"Right," David answered. He wasn't quite sure where he was going to spend the hour after lunch, now, because he definitely didn't have a rehearsal... But on the other hand, it was better than facing the horses. Anything would be.

"So do it tomorrow."

"Okay," Race answered for him.

"What?" David interrupted.

"I said, okay. It's all right, isn't it, David?" He squeezed David's shoulder again.

"Uh... Yeah. Yeah, it's fine."

"Fine!" Skittery declared triumphantly. "After lunch, tomorrow. I dare you."

"He'll be there," Race answered confidently as they walked up to the dining hall. Race released David, but David turned to stare at him incredulously.

"How could you do that to me?" he demanded.

"I thought you weren't afraid of horses?" Race answered, clearly amused.

"I—" David faltered. "That's not the point."

"Whatever you say."

"—But I can't do that tomorrow! I can't, I—I had a bad experience once, okay?"

"You'll be fine."

"I—"

"David, calm down. Go talk to Jack... He's a riding counselor, right?"

"Well, yeah—"

"And you trust him, right?"

"Yes, but—"

"So go talk to him, ask him to... Introduce you to the horses or something. You trust him, he'll help you get over it tonight, and you'll be fine tomorrow."

David stared at him again, then nodded dumbly. Racetrack grinned at him, then shoved him off towards where Jack was approaching, ushering his cabin of 11-year-olds. David smiled quickly at the sight, because Jack just looked so happy with the kids, and the smile became a slight blush as Jack glanced over at him, caught his eye and grinned. They began walking towards each other almost unthinkingly, meeting somewhere in the middle.

"'Morning," Jack said with a slight yawn.

"Morning." David paused. "I'll, uh, put your sweatshirt in with my wash if you want."

"Nah, counselor laundry goes tomorrow, so if you can just drop it by my cabin..."

"Thanks, by the way." David swallowed and shifted his weight awkwardly, wondering why it was suddenly so hard to talk to Jack. It never had been before, but now his throat had gone dry and he couldn't think of anything to say. Hey Jack, I'm the world's hugest wimp, will you please give me private riding lessons and not make fun of me too much? Yeah. That's cool.

"No problem..." Jack answered, and reached up to fix his bandana, pulling it off and shaking his too-long hair loose. David watched in utter fascination as Jack ran a hand through his somehow remarkably shiny hair, smoothed it, and retied the bandana. He swallowed again.

"So, uh..."

"Hmm?" Jack raised an eyebrow.

Probably wondering why I'm such a stuttering dork, David told himself. There was no reason this should be so hard. Race was right, after all; David trusted Jack. And Jack had said more than once that he didn't think David was a loser...

But the thought of saying or doing anything that might make Jack wake up and see reality, see that David was just the geeky kid who didn't fit in, was terrifying.

"...Davey?" Jack asked, when David froze up and didn't answer.

Davey, David repeated in his mind. The way Jack said it and the fact that it implied some sort of affection still startled David. But he shook his head, hoping to clear it, and gave Jack an embarrassed smile. "Not really awake yet," he answered, hoping it didn't sound as lame to Jack as it did to him.

"Want me to go get you a cup of coffee?" Jack offered, as counselors were allowed inside and campers weren't until the bell rang. But that would probably look like playing favorites, David realized, and shook his head no.

"No, just... Uh... I'm scared of horses."

Jack gave him a look that was both bemused and confused. "Okay. I had kind of figured."

"I mean, uh... I mean, Skittery dared me to go play with the horses tomorrow or something and I can't do it. I feel so stupid, and Race—"

"You aren't stupid," Jack interrupted.

David faltered, but smiled. "I'm a dork."

"Nah." Jack shrugged. "Maybe you're a little irrational about horses, but... There's worse things in the world, right?"

David nodded, for some reason blushing very lightly again. Because he says I'm not a dork and I'm not stupid. What is wrong with me? David scolded himself, but aloud commented, "Uh... I guess. So... Anyway, Race said maybe you could... Could help me before then. I don't know how, but... uh... Could you? Please?"

Jack broke into a wide smile. "Of course I can, Davey... Or at least, I'll try. Come to riding today."

David shook his head vehemently. "Not... Not with other people around." He gave Jack a pleading look. "Please?"

Jack paused, then nodded. "I guess... I mean, it's not technically against camp rules to... After the after-dinner activity, when the kids go to bed. We can do it then."

"Okay," David breathed, suddenly feeling slightly relieved. The world seemed to be a bit better somehow. I shouldn't have been so nervous to ask him, David thought to himself.

Jack absently reached up to play with his bandana again, and commented, "I'm glad you asked me, Davey. Kinda flattered..."

"What? I, oh, uh..."

"David!"

They both turned to see Sarah rushing over from the group of girls who'd just arrived. David had barely had the chance to realize she was the one yelling his name before she had reached him and Jack and she actually threw her arms around him.

He imagined he probably looked kind of ridiculously shocked, as he squirmed out of her grasp. "What—"

"You talked to them and they said I can go home!" she squealed. "Next week! I can go home!"

"I—"

She hugged him vehemently again and then turned and began to rush off.

He stared after her, then shrugged, and glanced at Jack, who was biting his lip. "Penny for your thoughts," David prompted.

"Uh, well... You know, just, I'm kind or relieved," Jack said guiltily. "Sarah... Is real nice and all, but she kept hitting on me."

David shrugged, and almost told Jack about Sarah's crush, but the bell started ringing and instead they made their way in for breakfast.

*

Smurf chewed on the inside of her lip while next to her, Sparker was talking about... Something or other. She had stopped paying attention as soon as they'd started on the dirt path to the boat beach... She liked Sparker okay, they got along fairly well, but this was where she'd usually be sailing with Trixie and making fun of Blink.

Except she wasn't speaking to Trixie, and she had no idea at all what to do about Blink. Revenge wasn't an option, unfortunately; she was still on probation from the ant prank. And then after breakfast that morning, he'd given Daisy back to her, still a shade of blue—but a very, very pale one. Like he'd spent a long time trying to get it clean.

"I'm sorry," he'd mumbled as he shoved it into her hands. "I did the best I could to fix her. I'm really really sorry."

And he'd actually sounded like he meant it, which was pretty astonishing. But she hadn't said anything to him, and his face fell and he walked off kind of sadly. And... It was weird, but she kind of felt like she was the mean one now. Not that she had a problem being mean, it was just strange that he'd done something pretty awful to her, and she felt bad for him.

Well, she almost felt bad for him. Not that she'd ever let him know that.

They arrived on the beach as the hour changed, where Dutchy, in all of his open Hawaiian shirt glory, was consulting with Irish, while a group of younger kids waited. Blink was sitting in the sand off by the canoes; he looked up and saw her, then looked away immediately.

Dutchy walked over after a minute and waved Blink over too. "Too many kids today," he said, sounding slightly put upon. "So they need more attention. And boats. We've only got one free for you guys, so..."

Smurf glared at Blink and waited for what always happened in situations like this; he would declare he was there first, he'd been going to the camp for longer, and tell her to get lost. And then she'd yell at him that that wasn't fair, she had as much right to it as he did, and they'd settle it by seeing who could yell louder and longer, until Dutchy looked like he wanted to strangle them both and made them rock-paper-scissors for it.

She opened her mouth to start the argument, but Blink interrupted.

"You know what, why don't you two take it?" he said. "I'll... Go help the theater people make costumes, my rehearsal hour is next hour anyway. Bye."

He beat a fast retreat, and Smurf was left with the sailboat. She glanced at him walking up the path away from the beach, and then over at Dutchy, who gave them a quizzical look, and shrugged. "All yours," he said, and walked off to go supervise the kids who actually needed his help.

*

David couldn't keep his mind on what he was doing the rest of the day. His thoughts just kept straying to the horror that was heading his way; horses and humiliation. And even though Jack said he didn't mind trying to help, and said he didn't think David was a loser...

He'll realize. And he'll make fun of me.

Not a pleasant thought, but it occupied David's mind all day. He barely said a word through any of the meals, painted flats in silence, messed up in rehearsal because his mind wasn't on it, and almost felt sick during the after dinner activity.

But that was it. The time had come.

The youngest kids were shooed off to bed, and then Jack's campers. It was a Monday evening, and he noticed the counselors who had Tuesdays off—Specs, Dutchy and Bumlets—hightailing it up to the parking lot. And finally, just past dusk but before it was really dark, he couldn't avoid it anymore. As inconspicuously as possible, he slipped away from everyone else, and off to the stables.

He didn't go in, though. He wasn't going to do that without Jack, and he waited, partially impatient and partially with dread, for Jack to approach. It took a few minutes, but finally he saw Jack's familiar form walking up the path, and then Jack was close enough for David to see his smile, too.

The smile was heartening. Jack was in a good mood. David relaxed a tiny bit, but tensed up again as Jack stopped and motioned to the stable entrance. "After you," he offered.

David hesitated, but made himself shakily walk inside, so Jack wouldn't realize what a waste of time it was and just give up out of hand. Jack put a reassuring hand on his shoulder and steered him past a few stalls. One of the horses whinnied and David shuddered, but Jack led him to what looked like an equipment area... And then began to look through drawers and produced a carrot from one.

David stared at him, confusion evident on his face. Jack grinned. "They like carrots, Davey."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"I figured. Come on." He nodded back towards the horses and David almost froze again, but concentrated hard made himself walk. Step by step, to the last stall, where Jack was standing, waiting. The stables had a high roof and open walls at the sides; the moonlight was actually more light than the dim, flicking ceiling light.

David stared almost in horror as Jack reached out to pet the horse—a plain brown thing with what David could only assume was a mean look in its eye. The horse tossed its head in a grumpy fashion and David wanted to bolt, but watching Jack as he smiled at the horse, cooed nonsensical syllables into its ear and calmed it down kept him there. Jack was doing this for him, after all.

And Jack with the horse was just cute. Even David could see that much.

The horse tossed it's head again gently and nuzzled against Jack's hand, and Jack grinned at it and scratched between its ears. "Davey," he called calmly. "C'mon over."

"Uh... Maybe I'll just watch from here."

Jack laughed slightly. "No, come over. This is Vanessa—she's a real sweetie." He gave her another pat. "Aren't you?" he cooed at her. "Yes you are. You're a sweet girl."

David stared at him like he'd grown another head.

Jack looked up from the horse and motioned David over insistently. David hesitantly walked the few paces over to where he stood, still keeping Jack between him and the horses. He eyed the horse wildly and the horse glared back, he thought. Jack handed David the carrot, and as he accepted it, took hold of David's other wrist.

"It's okay. C'mon, Dave. Just... pet her gently. It's okay."

Jack's voice was steady and soothing as he guided David's now slightly shaking hand towards the horse. David took a step forward, winced and just before his hand brushed fur pulled away and jumped back, dropping the carrot. He heard Jack sigh slightly and looked up, embarrassed.

But Jack just smiled. "It's okay. You're doing fine."

"I..." David shrugged. What was he supposed to say? Instead of answering, he leaned down to pick up the carrot, not seeing that Jack leaned down too, and their hands met. For just a moment, Jack's hands rested against David's, and then he looked down at their fingers and abruptly pulled away.

"Sorry," Jack mumbled.

"It's... okay." David's hand felt warm where Jack's had touched it.

"Let's try this again." Jack had more cheer in his voice now, but David could tell it was a little awkward and forced. "Here. You can give her the carrot."

"Uh... Why don't you do it? I can... Watch."

Jack shook his head no. "Come on. Don't be afraid, Davey. She's a real calm girl, she won't hurt you. She only gets nervous if you're afraid."

"I knew they could sense fear."

Jack chuckled. "Come on. Here, just hold out the carrot."

"Uh..."

Jack hesitated, then reached out to close David's hand tightly around the carrot, and nudged him towards the horse. And David very, very slowly held out the carrot. The horse sniffed and shook its head slightly and he pulled it back, which made the horse make a slight whining noise. David kind of whimpered back and turned to look at Jack.

"You have to hold it where she can bite it, Davey. Come on, you don't even have to touch her."

"Jack, I don't think I can..."

"You can." Jack smiled. "Come on, I know you can."

David swallowed hard and forced himself to hold his arm out towards the horse again, and as soon as it was anywhere near the horse he screwed his eyes shut tight and winced. Then let out a short, undignified yelp as the horse actually bit into it and he felt it being tugged out of his grip.

But the horse munched contentedly, and David let his hand drop as it got a firm grip on the carrot and didn't seem to need him anymore. Jack nodded. "That's a start."

"Can we go now?"

"Are you over fear of horses yet?"

"No."

Jack grinned. David groaned.

"Come on... Now you've just got to pet her."

"But I—"

"You can do it." Jack reached out and scratched behind the horses ears and she whickered appreciatively. "See? She likes it. Just pet her gently."

David stared at the horse, and then at Jack. Jack smiled encouragingly, and David really didn't want Jack to know how utterly terrified he was, so he took a deep breath, reached out, and tried to pet the horse. And it almost worked.

His fingers brushed her nose and he felt the short hair of her fur, but as he did so she tossed her head and whinnied, which he hadn't been expecting. He yelped again and jumped backwards, away, and she let out a louder, longer neigh and stomped a foot. He continued to back up, not thinking as much as just reacting, and his heel got caught on one of the floorboards and he tripped, falling backwards.

Jack reached out to catch him, one firm arm holding him in place, and he straightened up and looked up at Jack.

Jack didn't drop his arm.

David didn't pull away.

The horse whinnied again, but David didn't even hear it; he was having trouble looking away from Jack. The way his hair framed his face, the smoothness of his skin, his warm, soft brown eyes... David swallowed hard.

Jack started to move away, just a tiny bit, but David interrupted him by pressing closer until their chests were touching, and Jack's arm was still pressed to his back. His grip tightened slightly and almost not knowing what he was doing, David pushed up onto his tiptoes and pressed his lips to Jack's.

And then his better senses kicked in and he fell back onto his flat feet, blushing furiously, while Jack stood, frozen and shocked.

David's heart rate was reaching speeds he doubted it ever had before, he could hear it pounding, the only noise in the whole camp, he thought. His lips felt warm from Jack's, just like his skin had where Jack touched him earlier, and he liked that warmth. It wasn't just body heat, he realized slowly, it was that he liked the way Jack touched him. It was gentle, and caring, and...

He'd never felt that before. Not from anyone, not about anyone.

He kissed Jack again, more decisively this time, and much more insistently, putting a hand on Jack's side and nervously opening his mouth slightly. And just as Jack started to respond and kiss back, he pulled his face away. "Davey..." he murmured.

"Jack, I..."

"Davey, don't think I don't... I don't appreciate this an' all... I mean, I..." His voice cracked slightly. "You're straight..."

"Jack..." David said again. "I don't know what I—I don't know anything except I just..."

"Davey?"

David buried his face in Jack's shoulder for a moment, and Jack wrapped his arms firmly around David, a strong hug. As though Jack could pull him any closer. "Jack, I don't know..." he mumbled. "I just know you feel right."

Jack didn't say anything else for a moment, then just murmured, "Davey..."

David looked back up at him and they stared at each other. And this time, the kiss was mutual and deep, Jack still holding David close, as David angled his face up to meet Jack's lips. And then the world shrunk to just the two of them; the feeling of lips and tongues, warm breath, Jack's hands on David's shoulder blades, blue eyes and brown eyes that didn't see anything else.

One of Jack's hand slowly crept up David's back, until David could feel the slight sweat on Jack's palm as it pressed against his neck until it got lost in David's curls, almost massaging the back of David's head. But David was lost in the sensations; Jack's tongue and the taste of his mouth—mint gum, which somewhere in the back of his mind David realized Jack probably chewed either when he couldn't smoke, or to help his breath after a cigarette. The slight chap on Jack's lips was an interesting texture, and so were the ridges at the top of Jack's mouth (which made Jack giggle as David ran his tongue against them).

All sensations, all the heat, should have been awkward and should have been scary. David knew he should be worried or nervous because not only had he never kissed anyone before, he had just kissed a boy and... Well, he had never even thought about kissing a boy before. But then, he had never thought about kissing a girl, either. He'd never wanted to, really.

But he'd definitely wanted to kiss Jack. So he ignored the building nerves and all the awkwardness and let himself be immersed in the experience.

Neither one was sure how long passed before they finally pulled away. David took a deep breath and then buried his face in Jack's neck again, taking in the scent and the smoothness of Jack's skin. Jack hugged him again, and David snaked his arms around Jack's waist and hugged back.

"You okay?" Jack finally asked softly, gently rubbing David's back with one hand, sensing David's slight nerves.

"Mmm," David mumbled into the ribbed collar of Jack's t-shirt. "Just... I mean..." He looked up at Jack. "Now I'm gonna actually have to think about... things."

"Are you... I just asked that." Jack still hadn't let David out of his embrace. "I mean, uh... Will you be okay? With thinking?"

"Yeah." David nodded slightly, and his hair tickled Jack's neck. "I think so. We... We're gonna have to talk some time, though."

"I know."

"And you... I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I know." Jack leaned over slightly and kissed the top of David's head. "I know, Davey. You can take all the time you want to think. I'll be here waiting."

David finally looked up from Jack's shoulder, thinking of a hundred things he wanted to say—he wanted to reassure Jack of how much he liked him, and had liked kissing him; he wanted to explain to Jack that he was nervous and confused and yet so happy, he wanted to tell Jack how much he just wanted Jack to be happy... The words all collided in his mind and tripped over his tongue and he didn't say anything.

But that was okay, because Jack smiled down at him like he understood anyway. So really, David did the only thing he could, and he kissed Jack again. He could feel Jack smile against his lips and the mint flavor made its way into his mouth again, and David almost melted. He felt warm all over, and safe, and happy.

It felt like no time passed as they kissed, though the minutes ticked by until David eventually let his head rest against Jack's shoulder and sighed. "Jack..."

"Mmm." Jack kissed the top of his head, then glanced down at his watch and groaned. "I should get back to my cabin..."

David sighed. "Yeah... Probably..."

"I don't want to go," Jack confessed, tightening his embrace around David again. "I could stay here with you all night..."

"Me too," David answered. "But I... You..."

"Yeah. Work. Just... Davey, will you... Will... I don't know." Jack sounded not upset, but slightly frustrated.

David hugged him tightly. "Everything will be fine," he said, in response to what Jack couldn't articulate. "Between us. Everything is great."

"You should... Think about things."

"I will. But I already know I... I like you. That's not even a question."

"Okay." David could feel Jack's smile. "I, I like you too."

"I know." David pulled slightly away from Jack and smiled up at him.

"Good."

They kissed again, though this one was shorter and calmer, and broke off with a quick, "Goodnight, Davey."

"'Night, Jack."

They walked out of the stables holding hands, fingers intertwined comfortably. Jack wanted to kiss David again before David started on the path down to his bunk, but knew better than to do it outside where he didn't know who was watching, so he dropped David's hand and grinned after David, watching until he disappeared down the path. Then, still smiling widely, he made his way back into the stables, dug into the supply cabinet and found a sugar cube, then walked over to Vanessa, the only witness of the kissing.

"Good horsey," he cooed at her, scratching behind her ears, then holding out the sugar cube. "You made David like me. Very good horse. Very, very good horse..."

Vanessa's only response was to eat the sugar cube and flick her tail at a fly.

[End Chapter Twenty-One]
Chapter Twenty-Two: Interesting Positions