Chapter Twenty-Three: Thoughts

"Enjoying the scenery?"

David felt a slight blush creep up his face. "Uh..." he mumbled.

Race laughed and shoved him lightly. It was an evening swim, since Specs had arrived home to give the swim staff enough people to pull it off, and David was lounging on the beach, watching as Jack played a game of some sort of elaborate water tag with the boys in his cabin. Jack, of course, was wearing just his swimming shorts and was dripping wet and, David noted to himself, nearly glowing in the early evening, barely pre-sunset light.

"You could go play with them, you know," Race added, running his fingers through his hair to get some of the excess water out. "And if you happenedto tackle him by accident, who's gonna notice?"

David was pretty sure the slight blush was deep scarlet now. "I don't know what you're talking about," he answered, but it was hardly convincing, since Jack glanced over at them and caught his eye. And they both froze, like for a moment there was no one else in the world, and Jack smiled a huge, dazzling smile and David couldn't help but grin back.

Race snorted. "You two are gonna have to stop that if you don't want to get caught, you realize."

"I can't help it."

"Yeah, yeah." Race chuckled. "And here, I thought you said you were straight."

"I was. I think I was." David pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin in his arms, still watching Jack. "I don't know. I haven't... I haven't even thought about, you know... Any of this yet."

"You mean you and he... Without thinking?"

"Yeah." David sighed. "I know, I know, it sounds bad, like some sort of fluke or mistake or... something. But it isn't, I know it isn't. He's..." David trailed off. "He's some kind of amazing, you know?"

"Yeah," Race agreed. "I know."

"And just... I dunno, it's a lot to think about. I don't even know where to start."

Race nodded a little, and then stood up. "I'm going back in. You should swim. I'm sure he'd like to see you dripping wet, too."

David laughed, but didn't move. Instead, he just gazed out at the waterfront, letting his mind go blank. Specs was sitting out on the floating dock at the end of the deep end; Hotshot was treading water near by, apparently trying to carry on a conversation, though Specs was distracted by his lifeguard duty. And Dutchy was also lounging on the dock, putting in the occasional word, but he never really seemed to put in more than that.

Smurf was floating on her back just inside the deep end, staring up at the sky as it began to change colors. She was alone, which David thought was odd, because she always struck David as an incessant talker, and so she generally had someone around to talk to. So he searched out Trixie, not at all shocked to find her next to Mush, sitting on the main wooden dock while he and Blink were having some sort of animated discussion, which frequently degenerated into pouncing on and then trying to dunk each other.

He found that oddly fascinating.

And then he found the fact that he found that fascinating a little bit fascinating. Because on a beach full of girls in swim suits and bikinis, some of whom weren't bad looking at all, his eye was almost immediately drawn to the boys. And the way Mush and Blink were goofing around was almost... cute.

He bit his lower lip a little, thinking, and continued to look around the waterfront. Jack was now giving Les a piggy back ride through the shallows, then propelling him through the air and into the water; and David noted with a slight satisfaction that his boyfriend got along with his little brother.

Boyfriend.

Was Jack actually his boyfriend? They liked each other, they'd kissed for an awfully long time, and when they' like it was as a couple, hadn't it? But did that actually make Jack his boyfriend, where they actually dating? Or were they just... guys who liked to kiss each other sometimes?

David watched Jack play in the water for another minute, then wade out, dripping wet, and grab his towel from the end of the dock. He wiped off quickly, did his best to get his hair to stop dripping, and made his way over to David and sat.

"You know, sand is gonna stick to me all over," he said, shooting David a grin. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," David answered quietly. "Just thinking about things."

"Oh." Jack leant back on his elbows in the sand. "You... Got anything worked out yet?"

"Not really. I don't know. It's just... hard to think about." He shot Jack a grin. "Especially when certain people are parading around in front of me, all wet and shiny."

"Shiny?" Jack asked.

"From the sunlight."

Jack kind of smiled. "Yeah, well.... a guy can show of for... For the guy he likes, right?"

David nodded absently, wondering what Jack meant by that. 'For the guy he likes' didn't sound like they were together. But the way he'd said it, it sounded like he'd substituted that for 'boyfriend' at last second.

"Sure," David said finally. "A guy can show off for his... You know, guy."

"David?" Jack asked, giving him a quizzical look.

"I don't know," David moaned. "I don't know anything."

"I'm sorry," Jack murmured.

"Don't be," David answered quickly, dragging his hand through the sand to place it over Jack's for just a moment. Their fingers intertwined, and David could feel every grain of sand between them, but abruptly they realized they weren't alone and jerked away. David sat up cross legged and Jack sprawled back in the sand, leaving almost too much space between them.

"I don't want to pressure you or anything," Jack said finally. "I know this is kind of a big deal, so... Just, don't worry about me."

David smiled. "I won't."

Jack opened his mouth to answer, but a sudden spray of sand caught both of them across the lap and chest.

"Oh, sorry, man!" In unison, they looked over to see Ian, holding a sandal loosely in one hand, then guiltily drop it back on the beach and slide his foot into it. "Just getting rid of some sand."

"Right," Jack agreed.

Ian grinned sheepishly. "Nice tan, Jack," he added, winked, then beat a retreat, only stumbling slightly as one of his sandals caught on a rock.

Jack laughed and kicked sand after him, then turned back to David, who raised an eyebrow. "Nice tan?" he repeated.

"You don't like it?" Jack answered easily. "The pale as a ghost thing works for you, but some of us don't fear the outdoors."

"I don't—" David started, then sighed. "I'm outside now."

"Yeah, 'cause you're being forced into it. You're wearing a sweatshirt."

David shrugged and self consciously fiddled with the cuffs of his sweatshirt. It wasn't that he didn't like being outdoors, it was that somehow it was never warm enough for him, unless it was five degrees too hot for everyone else. He was prone to wearing long sleeves all summer, which not only kept him warm, but kept him from getting sunburned, too.

It was practical.

"Ian winked at you," David said finally, changing the subject.

"Ian winks at everyone. He doesn't mean anything by it."

"I never noticed that."

"Yeah, you should see him hit on Spot sometime. It makes smoke pour out of Spot's ears, he doesn't know how to react."

David chuckled. He could picture that. Spot wasn't actually a bad guy, just a little bit... Overly macho, David decided silently. Ian winking at him would probably shake him up a bit. And though he didn't know Ian well, David pictured him as the sort who got kicks shaking people up.

"Anyway, everyone knows Ian's got a boyfriend back home, so it's just joking. Well, everyone except Spot. Someone should tell him someday..."

"He does?" David asked.

Jack nodded.

"Huh. I didn't know that."

"Oh, well, I didn't mean everyone knows it, I just meant..."

"Everyone who's been around awhile?"

"Yeah," Jack said sheepishly. "Just think of it like this; you fit in here so well, I keep forgetting it's your first year."

"Yeah, that's what it is."

Jack shrugged and sat up to be even with David again, leant over and rest against him. "Jut loosen up a little, Davey. You really do fit in fine."

"You're sounding like my mom again." But David had a hard time minding when Jack was so close to him. He wanted to lean in to Jack, close the remaining space between them, but he knew better... And so did Jack, who straightened up.

"Well, uh..." Jack shrugged. "I should start rounding up my kids. Swim'll be over in a minute."

Jack gave David's hand a final slight touch before standing up and brushing himself off as he went to find the boys from his bunk.

*

David watched Ian carefully as everyone gathered for their late night snack. And then bit back a laugh as Ian, cookie in one hand, sat down next to Spot and traced a finger along his bicep.

"Hey baby."

Spot froze, then said, "Hi."

"How was your day?"

"Fine."

"Oh yeah?"

"Um... Yes."

Ian laughed and finally let go of Spot, who looked visibly relieved and beat a fast retreat. Hesitantly, David sat down where he'd been.

"Hey," he said.

"Yo," Ian answered. "What's up, Mouth?"

"You have to call me that?"

"I pretty much do, yeah."

David sighed. "Damn Skittery and his damn horses."

"I like those horses," Ian answered.

"Apparently, so does everyone on the entire planet but me," David answered, a little surprised by himself. He hadn't really talked to Ian very much before, but having a conversation with him wasn't hard. It was actually kind of... easy.

"Well, maybe that means you're wrong," Ian pointed out.

"Or maybe I've got a sixth sense no one else does, and am the next chain on the evolutionary ladder."

"First you're a walking mouth, and now a mutant." Ian laughed.

David shrugged back, and finally said a little hesitantly, "Can I... Ask you something?"

"Yeah, shoot."

"How'd you meet your boyfriend?"

"Uh... Well..." Ian shrugged. "On the beach back home. He was taking surfing lessons and we kind of collided and he bought me a smoothie to apologize." He flashed a grin at David. "Why, what's up?" Ian asked, raising an eyebrow from underneath his backwards baseball cap.

"Just... curious." David shrugged.

Ian paused, then, "You can ask me, if you want. You wouldn't be the first. It doesn't offend me."

"Ask what?"

Ian waited.

And finally, David hazarded, "How did you know you're gay?"

"Right, well, not quite what I expected." Ian laughed. "I'm bi, actually." He shrugged. "I dunno, I guess I just realized one day that hey, I like boys. It wasn't a big deal or anything. Tell the truth, everyone else had kind of figured."

"So it was just... as easy as that? You looked around and..."

"Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I guess I'm lucky, none of my friends or family or anything was bothered by it. I guess it could've been harder, if I was worried about that."

"Oh."

Ian took a bit out of his cookie. "Anyway, it's not such a big deal, the way people make it out to be. Just a part of me, not the whole thing."

David nodded a little bit. Ian ate more of his cookie.

"Should I ask why it's on your mind?"

"No... No reason."

"Okay," Ian answered. "Just wondering, 'cause you're kind of cute, really." Ian winked at him.

David gaped for a moment.

Then he laughed.

*

He was staring up at the ceiling, but couldn't sleep.

Was it really that easy?

David tried to push emotions out of his mind and to think logically. If A, then B, he mused. I'm attracted to Jack, therefore...

But there had to be more to it than that, didn't there? It couldn't just be that easy. He had never been gay before, that he could remember. He'd always liked girls before.

He paused on that thought.

Really, he had trouble thinking of girls he'd actually wanted to date. He couldn't think of anyone who made him feel like Jack did, who he wanted to spend all his time with and who made him feel like he was funny and interesting and kind of cool, not just some sarcastic loner...

Well, in my mind I've moved from 'loser' to 'loner', so maybe camp is good for my self-esteem, he mused, and closed his eyes. Apparently, camp hadn't dampened his sarcasm any.

But the fact remained, he couldn't think of a single girl he'd had a crush on since Carolyn Johnson in eighth grade. So he thought of her—dyed blond hair, trendy outfits, and lots of gossip sprung to mind. Which was strange, now that he thought about it, because he hated that. Carolyn was kind of the anti-Jack, aside from being a girl; Jack was so laid back and genuine, where Carolyn, from what David had observed since his crush had died away, was uptight about a lot of things, particularly about how she looked, and how much attention she got from her boyfriend.

David couldn't really picture her smiling and telling him not to worry, that she didn't want to pressure him about something which, no matter what Ian said, felt absolutely huge.

What had he seen in Carolyn anyway?

He tried to remember. It had been eighth grade, he'd been known to almost everyone in his class as Sarah's Brother, which was irritating enough. He'd been teased, occasionally; nothing of extreme, after school drama proportion, but enough that he knew he was different from everyone else. And in eighth grade, he remembered almost painfully, all he'd wanted was to be normal.

He'd stopped caring by the end of the year, really; no amount of worrying about what Sarah's friends thought of him was going to make him cool. And since he refused to stop raising his hand in class or reading during lunch, there wasn't anything he could do about it, anyway.

But all of the other boys he knew—the normal ones—they all seemed to think Carolyn was, "a total babe". And for all David wondered who actually talked like that...

He shook his head slightly, wondering if he'd really been that said in eighth grade. Middle school hadn't been great for him, but it had never occurred to him he'd had a crush that had been close to humiliating on someone who'd never have looked twice at him out of an urge to be normal.

If that was normal, he decided, let the normal people have it.

He sat up, and slowly slid down and out of bed, and groped around in the dark for the clothes he'd kicked off at bedtime, and as he pulled on his discarded jeans, heard Racetrack sit up.

"What's up?" Race asked quietly.

"Nothing."

"You going somewhere?"

"Yes."

"Uh... Okay, then."

"G'night."

"'Night."

And David walked out of the cabin, relatively certain that Racetrack wouldn't rat him out. And anyway, how bad could the punishment for sneaking out be.

*

Someone was shaking his shoulders. Jack snorted a little and sat up, and a hand covered his mouth immediately. His eyes flew open and he saw...

David.

He nodded a little, and David dropped his hand and grinned. "Hey you," he murmured, nearly under his breath.

Jack broke into a wide smile and gestured to the door to the cabin, and they both made their way outside. "Everything all right?" Jack asked, as he slipped his hand into David's and they sat on the slight stoop outside the cabin.

"Everything's better than all right," David answered. "Everything's the best it's been in a long time."

"Oh yeah?" Jack asked.

"Yeah." David nodded a little and leaned in close to Jack, kissed him lightly. Jack shivered slightly and wrapped his arms around David, for a change envying David's long sleeves. He was wearing just the pair of pajama pants he slept in, and it was a bit chilly out without the sun. But he huddled close to David and smiled against David's skin.

"I think I'm done thinking," David murmured.

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm gay."

"Oh, well... Can't say I'm disappointed."

"You know, I'm not either."

Jack glanced up at the moon, almost hidden behind tree branches and leaves, and then back at David, who was looking at him, smiling, blushing a tiny bit.

"You snuck out to tell me that?" Jack asked.

"I snuck out to see you."

"I suppose as I counselor, I should send you back to bed, huh?"

David nodded a little, but he didn't see too concerned.

Jack kissed him. "Screw responsibility for now," he said between quick kisses. "I really like you."

"Screw responsibility," David repeated. "I like this better."

"Me too."

"One question."

"Uh... Okay?"

"Does this mean we're... together?"

Jack shrugged. "If you want it to mean that... I'd like that."

David ran a finger across Jack's hand, feeling the bones in his knuckles. "I think I'd like that too."

"Well, then."

"Well." David paused. "I think I really like you too, Jack."

Jack just grinned at him and then kissed him gently. That seemed to be all they needed to say, and David couldn't really think of anything else to add. So they sat quietly, nestled together, just enjoying being together—really being together—until someone in Jack's bunk coughed.

Jack sighed. "So, I guess... I mean, you should go before whoever's on patrol comes by."

"And you should go back to pretending to be responsible," David answered, grinning, and Jack couldn't help but notice the moonlight glinting off his eyes. It was quite a sight, really. Jack squeezed his hand.

"G'night, Davey."

"'Night, Jack."

They stood up and kissed again, and Jack watched as David retreated down the path, back to his own cabin.

And as he headed back to bed, he definitely felt better than he had in a long, long time.

[End Chapter Twenty-Three]
Chapter 24: Good Eating