Violent Dreams
Three
Racetrack jolted awake, a chill running through him. He was drenched in sweat, but at least not by rain; the bleachers held that out well enough. He started to shake and reached for his deck of cards, shuffled the deck until he regained control of his limbs, then set them away in his pocket carefully. They were his most prized possession.
He didn't feel rested, but his body ached less. No matter what had happened to his mind while he slept, at least his body got what it needed for however long he'd been out.
It was pitch black under the bleachers now, and there was nothing but a faint drizzle of rain from above, but he couldn't really sell papers in the rain anyway. The ink ran and no one bought, and that assumed it was even still day. He had no idea how long he'd passed out for.
His other pocket always had a match and a cigarette or two, and so he struck a light and glanced around to make sure he knew where the support beams were. It was easy for him to memorize things somehow, so even after the match went out, he didn't crash into anything as he climbed back outside, abandoning his papers.
It was twilight, probably around six at night. The storm had broken a little before one... Five hours of sleep. Not bad, for someone who slept as little as he did. Putting the lingering memories of his dreams out of his mind, Racetrack started for home.
*
This was the kind of night Racetrack loved. Most of the guys were asleep, or at least lying in bed, but Jack had pulled a small table between two of the beds, Mush had pulled up a chair, and now the three of them were sitting up playing cards. Rummy, not Race's preferred poker, but nonetheless a decent game. It was for fun, not money, but Race didn't mind that, either. He knew he wasn't going to even get his eyes shut that night, not given his nap that afternoon, so he was just as happy to stay up with other people's company.
Even if he felt miles away from the other guys, he still liked to have them around to talk to. Their verbal sparring helped him keep his mind off the dream he'd had, which still floated just beyond his conscious mind, close enough that maybe he could grab it, but he didn't want to. It had left him paranoid, constantly looking over his shoulder, scared but not sure what he was scared of. He hated that, and it happened to him all the time.
He reached for the deck, drew a card, smirked, put down four in a row and discarded. Three were left in his hand, the aces of hearts and of clubs, and the two of clubs. If he got a third ace, he could go out; if he got the three of clubs, he could go out. Either way would work, as he had more on the table than Jack or Mush.
"So who's Blink out with this week?" Jack asked, as he picked up the card Race had discarded. Racetrack scowled around his cigar, but Jack just smirked and put out a run from six to eight in hearts.
"Some girl."
"No kiddin'. Who?" Jack pried.
Mush shot Race a look, and Race interjected, "'S not worth learnin' their names, Jacky, it'll be someone else next week."
"Yeah, I guess you'se right. I swear, that guy sleeps aroun' more than anyone in the red light district."
Mush picked up a card from the deck and discarded it in disgust. He glanced over at Race, caught his eye, and shrugged a little. Race half-nodded back, and Jack was totally oblivious to the entire exchange. He had no idea how much Mush hated talking about Blink's dating habits; he hadn't noticed the longing looks Mush had been giving Blink for years now. Racetrack had, but then, Racetrack noticed things like that. He noticed almost everything, one of the side effects of his paranoia was that he forced himself to take in the details other people missed. That way, if anything changed, no matter how tiny, he would see it and it might be a warning. So he'd seen the looks Mush gave Blink, and when they started to get worse, he finally asked Mush about it.
He had been right, though his advice might not have been the best idea. Mush had asked him what to do; he said Mush should just tell Blink how he felt. Mush had, and Blink had blown up in his face. He'd gotten over it, and they made up, but every now and then the awkwardness still struck the two of them. When Blink came in late and didn't have a bed, he slept with his head at Mush's feet instead of face to face. Just little things like that, which no one but Race had noticed.
It was back to Race, who glanced around quickly to see that no one was watching, and took a card that was farther down in the deck. He'd been careful when he dealt, noted where the aces were and subtly left them sticking out a tiny bit further than the others. Not enough that anyone could tell without looking for it, it just looked like the deck had slipped a little when he set it down, but he knew and pulled the ace.
Smirking, he set down the three aces and discarded the two. Mush and Jack groaned and dropped the rest of their cards, subtracted what was left in their hands from what they had on the table, and Race was the winner by far. "We ain't actually playin' to five hundred, are we?" Jack whined, gathering the cards. It was his turn to deal.
"You got somethin' better to do?"
"Sleep," he said. "Some a' us do that sometimes."
"Yeah, shut up and deal the cards."
There was a tap on the window, and the guys looked over to see Blink letting himself in. He shut it after him, the swaggered over to the table. "You want in?" Jack asked. "We're only at eighty each... 'Cept Race, but he don't count."
"Race?" Blink asked.
"One eighty," he answered, smirking. Blink reached out and gestured with an empty hand; Race surrendered his cigar and picked up his cards. His hand wasn't great, but decent, and he'd probably be able to up it a bit depending on what was discarded. Jack didn't shuffle as well as he did, so the cards he needed were probably already being held.
Blink gave him his cigar back, kicked off his mud-coated shoes, and began to unbutton his shirt. "How was the date?" Jack asked.
Blink ducked his head and mumbled something almost unintelligible, and when he looked back up, had a ridiculous grin on his face. That wasn't the way he usually acted, Race noted; this must be the rare girl who'd be around longer than a week. Blink hadn't mentioned sleeping with her yet, and if Blink was willing to wait for that and still was grinning like an idiot when the subject came up, he had to be totally smitten.
Jack and Race laughed a little and mocked gently; Mush smiled, a little forced. Blink hesitated, caught his eye, questioning--Are you okay? he asked silently--and Mush shrugged and half-smiled again. I'll be fine, he'd answered, pretty much. Blink nodded and sat down, kicked his feet up on the table, and waited for the next hand to start. Race smiled to himself; the two of them didn't realize anyone else knew the had silent conversations, let along that anyone else could understand them.
"Hey, you ever wish things was different?" he asked.
"What?"
"Just..." he chewed on the thought for a minute, while Mush played his cards and then Jack did. "I think I just been thinking about things 'cause a' Hannah. She's perfect, ya know? I think... She makes me feel like you do about Sarah, Jack."
"I don' believe my ears," Jack said, and Racetrack picked up the thought.
"Did Kid Blink just say he's in love?"
"I ain't said it," Blink answered defensively. "I mean, she's only been my girl for a week... But it's just, I think about her an' I want to give her everythin' in the world, but I ain't got anything. An' I jus' wonder sometimes... What if things was different? What if my dad... What if my mom hadn't walked out on us, or if she'd taken me with her?" He pulled his feet from the table, leant forward, and drummed a few fingers against the tabletop nervously. "Maybe things would be more normal, an' I'd be able to, I dunno, buy her jewelry or somethin'."
The other three remained silent for a moment. That thought had a lot more to it than most of Blink's did, unless he was smarter than he let on, and somehow, Racetrack doubted that. "Maybe," he said finally, taking the cigar from his mouth and picking up a card which, sure enough, Mush had discarded, "but what if ya'd gone with your mom an' never met Hannah?"
"I hadn't thought a' that."
"I figured."
"Well, what about you, then?" Jack asked him. "You don't wish things was different?"
Race finally discarded one of his useless cards. "I don't know what I'd change." Which was true; of course he would change things, but he didn't know what he had to change. He didn't know what had happened to turn the fairly normal childhood he recalled dimly into whatever his nightmares were, and he didn't know how he went from nightmares to being a newsie, either. It was so odd; he had normal, dusty memories of being a kid and having parents and doing regular childhood things, and then they just cut off, when he was about ten. And that was the nightmare period, and then he remembered wandering the streets for a week or so, running into some of the older newsies, being brought into the lodging house and learning to sell papers. Things started again from there, but there were at least three months of his life that were totally gone from his memory.
"I know what I'd change," Jack said. "I'd a' kept my dad from robbing that damn bank."
"An' I'd a' kept mine away from the factory... Kept my mom from getting sick," Mush said, reminding Race of how different they all were, to have ended up in the same place. Jack's mother was dead and his father was in jail; Blink's mother had left their family and he'd run away from his dad; Mush was an orphan.
And Race was just a mystery.
"But," Mush continued, "we'd never have met each other, would we? I mean, Jack, you'd be in Santa Fe, right?" Jack nodded. "An' I'd be living with my folks an' so would Blink, an' maybe we'd be normal an' in school like Davey. An' Race..." He trailed off. "Where would you be, Race?"
"This is rummy, not twenty questions," Race answered, and since it was his turn again he picked up a card, managed to make a run with it, lay them down and discarded.
"Awright, just askin'."
"Maybe we'd all be happier if we never met," Jack said.
"I think I'm offended," Race answered.
"We'd all be a lot richer if we never met you," Jack responded easily.
"I dunno, I'm glad I know you guys," Mush said, playing a few cards. He glanced over at Blink, who caught his eye and smiled. Race was relieved to see it; those two didn't have to speak aloud to talk to each other, and that had been Blink saying he was glad, too.
"Yeah," Race said, "an' I'm glad too, 'cause none a' you is good at poker an' you all always bet anyway."
"Aw, shaddup." Blink kicked him under the table, and Jack went out of cards. He won the hand, but still was nowhere near Race's score, and this time Mush was dealing, and put out a hand for Blink, too. The game was going to last quite awhile, Race realized, but he didn't mind. He wouldn't be sleeping anyway.