Kalin's Story
Taylin saw him sitting, through the bars of his cell. His back was to the Warrior, and his posture was very upright and stiff. Stiffer than usual, and the Knight was someone who never slouched.
There was a table set up near his cell. A fur coat was folded and left on top; a sword sat next to it. A sword with no reason to be there—no one would leave a weapon so close to a prisoner Warrior. And yet there it was.
Suspicious, Taylin pushed forward on the cell door. He stopped short in shock as it opened with a telltale squeak. He only froze momentarily as he waited for the Knight to turn; as the Knight began moving, Taylin shoved the door the rest of the way open. Both men saw the sword sitting on the table, but Taylin was closer. By the time the Knight reached him, his own sword drawn, Taylin was ready and blocked the thrust.
It had been two years since he'd last used a sword, and he was weaker now, and out of shape. But he had enough left in him to fight, and fight he did—for his life, his freedom, his God.
A quick stab to the thigh and the Knight fell, bashed his head on the table, and collapsed unconscious. Taylin tore a strip from the Knight's coat and gagged him, then dragged the unconscious man in to his cell and shut the door. He heard it click, lock, and then turned and ran from the prison.
It was snowing outside, and Taylin was shivering. He was grateful for the snow, though; it covered his tracks. He didn't have time to do it himself, he needed to get away quickly. It wouldn't be long before the guards would change and someone would find him missing, and he had to be far away by then.
What eventually stopped his flight was the sight of a small boy playing in the snow, in a fenced in yard in front of a small house. He knew—he didn't know how—that this was the boy, the one he'd heard so much about. "Excuse me," Taylin said, his voice thickly accented.
The boy looked up, and for a moment Taylin was afraid he'd scream. Surely he'd know what the red hair meant, or he'd notice the blood on the Warrior's sword... But instead, the boy smiled. "Mama!" he called.
A woman walked out of the house and into the yard. She scooped up her son, who giggled and pointed towards where the Warrior stood. She saw Taylin and froze for a moment. "Why don't you go inside for a moment, little one?" she asked, putting down her boy. He smiled and ran inside, and the woman approached Taylin.
"You made your decision," she said coolly.
"I didn't want to choose," he responded sadly. "But... I have to follow my God. I can't turn my back on Him."
"Very well." She didn't sound angry, or even upset, but a note of finality rang in her voice. "Very well," she repeated, then, "But if you were smarter, you'd have taken the coat, too."
In Taylin's mind, she was saying, "If you were smarter, you'd stay with me."
She turned and headed back for the house. "Wait!" Taylin found himself yelling. She stopped, but didn't turn. "Slenna, I... I... Goodbye." He wanted to say he loved her, that he was sorry, he was grateful.... But the words froze and all he could manage was to say goodbye.
She started walking again, towards her house and her son; away from Taylin.
Cold and suddenly lonely, Taylin turned away to continue his flight.
[OPENING CREDITS]
Episode 7: He Never Had To Choose
Kalin was scrubbing the floor, bent over on hands and knees. His arm and leg were mostly healed; his nose was still crooked but would probably be that way permanently now. At least it didn't hurt anymore. He was suspicious, expecting to be moved back to the fields any day, since the broken limbs were all that had been keeping him from hard labor.
Not that he was going to complain. He wasn't; he also wasn't going to act up or don anything rebellious. Not for a while, at least. Not until he was certain Taylin was going to let the knife incident go unmentioned, and not until he was sure Serissa was going to be all right.
A group of Warriors entered the Hall, and Kalin forced himself not to glare. Soran Candis was leading them; and aside from that, they had just been in the stables and hadn't bothered to change boots. Soran gave him a nasty smile as he walked past.
In response, Kalin spat on the floor and wiped up some of the filth, refusing to respond otherwise.
The next person to walk through the hall, after Kalin had gotten about half of it re-cleaned, was Taylin. The Warrior stopped to regard the slave for a moment.
"What's wrong with Serissa?" he demanded finally.
"Uh... What?" Kalin asked, standing.
"Serissa, boy. She's not well, it's obvious looking at her. What happened?"
"I..."
"If you've hurt her, I swear to Ocando I'll kill you myself," Taylin snarled.
"I didn't—I'd never!" Kalin answered. "I couldn't if I wanted to."
There was a long moment, and Taylin nodded. "Then what happened?"
"Well, Sir..." he shrugged helplessly. "She... She asked me not to tell anyone, so... I can't break a promise to her."
"Listen to me, boy, I want to help her."
"My name is Kalin."
Taylin ignored it. "I won't hurt her, but anyone who's been bothering to watch her can see something's been wrong with her. She's been..." He sighed. "I can't put my finger on it. Withdrawn. Unhappy. And if you didn't do it, who could have?"
Kalin stood, abandoning his cleaning. "I told you, Sir. I promised Riss I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd like to... I really would..."
And it wasn't even a lie. Kalin did want to tell someone; he wanted to tell someone who could help him. But no one could, and no one would even if it was possible. And he'd promised Serissa he'd stay silent...
"So you're that determined to keep a promise to her?" Taylin asked. Kalin just nodded. "If you change your mind, I want to know."
"You might... You might ask her, Sir," Kalin suggested. "I don't know if she'd..." he wasn't comfortable talking about it. "I don't know if she'd tell you anything, but..." he shrugged helplessly. "She might."
"I'll do that," Taylin agreed. There was an awkward pause. "Thank you, boy."
"Kalin."
"That's going to get you in trouble some day," Taylin muttered as he walked away.
That night, Kalin was informed that he'd be in the fields from then on, probably even if he was at the brink of death. He was supposed to head directly back tot he slave huts, but instead found Serissa to tell her the news. He expected her to cry, but instead, she just nodded. "I... I'm sorry," he said.
"I know," she said quietly. She gave him a look then; mournful and depressed, but understanding. "We'll see each other again soon. I know it."
"Just be careful..."
"I always am." He paused, then started to say Taylin had been asking about her, and stopped. She didn't need to know people could see she was upset—and she was upset; she had been on the brink of breaking down since that night, almost a week ago.
Kalin gave her a quick hug and kiss, and was gone without another word.
The next day was Hell for Kalin. His muscles ached and he yearned to be with Serissa, to comfort her. He wished there was some way to comfort her, but couldn't think of any. Goddess, please... he prayed silently.
Goddess... He glanced up at the sky. It was clear, and although daylight, a silver of the moon hung low in the sky. An idea came to him... It wouldn't help Serissa, but he suddenly knew how to make the most of being in the fields.
The next day he spent in silent planning. He knew a lot about the Goddess, even if he didn't have an religious texts to read or a priest to consult. Kalin was sure he knew how the Goddess felt, and that should be enough...
His plan went into action around midnight, after he'd spent two days in the field. He was nervous, although more about speaking to the group gathered in front of him than about being caught. The group was made up of nearly all of the slaves who worked on Elthis' manor, about a quarter of a hundred. They all looked as weary as he felt, and several were glaring dangerously at him—but they'd all shown up, because he was notorious enough that they wanted to see what he was planning.
"Well?" the Loyal he shared a hut with demanded. "You pulled us out of bed at this ungodly hour of night, you'd god damn well better have a reason."
"Goddess," Kalin corrected. It was as good a way to start as any. "Damn me if you want, but it's by the Goddess. Not God."
The Loyal didn't look impressed. "Or have you forgotten Her?" Kalin continued. "Because that would be worse than anything. Worse than being a slave, Loyal or not. Worse than any beating, any punishment—worse than death. I know. I've been through more than my fair share of the first two, and stood on the brink of the third...
"I've looked death in the eye, but I'm alive. It seems like a miracle, doesn't it?"
"You're boring me," the Loyal stated, but someone else hissed "sssh!" at him. Kalin had captured some of the crowd just by the passion in his voice, and the conviction he spoke with.
"It seems like a miracle because it is a miracle. Life is a miracle. Even a life of slavery is a miracleSˆø From Her." He motioned up towards the sky with both arms, and as if in response, a beam of moonlight broke through the clouds and illuminated him in silver light.
"Her." He said it again. "Kaleal, the Goddess. It is through Her will that we live; it is thanks to Her we have what little we have."
"We have nothing," another of the Loyals interrupted.
"Nothing?" Kalin asked, raising an eyebrow. "We have life, if nothing else. But there is more. We have friends. We have family. We have love."
"Had family," the Loyal half-yelled. "I was sold away from my parents when I was twelve!"
Kalin nodded. "My family was slaughtered when I was seven. But I have family anyway. I have Her, my Mother. I have you—my brother. We are all brothers, brothers and sisters. We didn't ask for each other, we didn't ask for this life. None of us want it, because as we live it, we lack so much.
"But if we open our hearts... If we learn to trust each other, to truly love each other, we are a family. You might be sold again. I might be killed. But right now—right now, this exact moment—we're a family. A family under Her."
"So you came out here to preach at us?" one of the Loyals asked, his voice dripping hostility.
"Yes." Kalin shrugged. "But when was the last time any of you heard someone preach? When was the last time you cared about religion... The last time you even thought about Her?"
"I think about Her everyday when I'm breaking my back and drowning in sweat. Oh yeah, that's when I thank Her for this Hell."
"That was not Her doing." Kalin looked down, silent for a long moment. He'd planned on this and knew what he wanted to say, but it was much harder to express than to feel. Finally, he just took a deep breath and began speaking: he explained that Ocando existed as well as Kaleal, and while She would never hurt them, He would. Kalin reminded them that they were working in the fields of a Warrior, who killed people in the name of Ocando, but never Kaleal.
He kept speaking, once he felt he'd shown that Kaleal wasn't the one responsible for their hardships. He talked about strength, he talked about love... He just kept talking, until he felt he'd said all he could for one night.
The slaves who believed once had their faith renewed; those who had never thought of Kaleal had something to contemplate. There were members of the crowd who hadn't been won over, of course, but most of the listeners would at least think about the Goddess now.
As Kalin fell into bed, he thought to himself, It's a start.
Morning came, and Kalin went to the fields without a word. He worked, his muscles sore, his body covered in sweat. The sun beat down and he became so thirsty it hurt, but he worked.
And that night, when all he wanted to do was pass out in his hut, one of the younger slaves came to him. He couldn't have been more than fourteen years old, with relatively short black hair and unusual green eyes. "Hey... Kalin?" he asked.
"Hmmm?" Kalin asked back, fighting off sleep.
"I just wanted to say... I was thinking. And I think you should talk to us again, soon. I felt... I felt stronger today, thinking about... About Her. Like you said." He shrugged. "I know other people did too."
"Really?" Kalin asked, suddenly more awake.
"Yeah." The boy shrugged again. "So you should talk to us again."
"I will. Tomorrow night. Spread the word," Kalin promised.
"I will!" the boy agreed. "Sleep well. You look tired."
"I am." Kalin smiled. "Thanks."
And so he did. Finding words was easier the second time, and people listened more intently. Even a few of the Loyals seemed to be listening and letting it sink in. Not seeing Serissa was driving him crazy, but this was the cure. This time he didn't talk about strength, just about love. How much he loved the Goddess, he loved his memories, he loved his friends...
About knowing how hard it was to find love and to let himself love, because he knew it could be ended by outside forces at any minute, but he had to love anyway. He wanted to mention Serissa, but kept that back from the crowd... That was a love they were unlikely to accept.
But they did accept most of what he had to say. Knowing that they were thinking about Kaleal was one of the best feelings he'd had in a long time. Thinking of Her made him feel whole again, even though it had been four days since he'd seen Serissa, and sharing the feeling doubled the intensity.
Plans were made. They would gather to hear him speak once a week. No one felt obligated to come, so Loyals could skip it if they wanted to... But more people said they wanted to come listen.
Kalin fell asleep happy, although wistful. I miss Serissa. She's right there in the house, but I can never see her. I wonder how she's coping? I hope... I hope Soran Candis hasn't done anything else.
If only I could be there, with her. Then... even if I live a slave until I die... Then I think I would be happy. As long as Serissa is happy and I'm with her... As long as I'm with Her, too... I could be happy here.
But he knew it would be impossible. He knew it couldn't last.
[EYECATCH]
Three weeks passed. Kalin slowly grew accustomed to the fields; he talked back to the overseer just enough so that no one would suspect he was losing his spirit, but spent the time he worked planning out what he would say during the weekly meeting... Planning and wondering about Serissa.
That was the hard part. He had to check on her somehow, to make sure she was healthy and happy, but figuring out how to get in to the house was hard. He reasoned that an opportunity would present itself soon, though, because otherwise, he'd go crazy.
When the chance finally came, he didn't want it.
It was midnight, and Kalin was standing in the middle of the horseshoe of watchers, speaking. His voice was full of passion, his love for the Goddess written in his face. The moon was full that night, and as he spoke, it bathed everything in its holy silver light.
He was watching the crowd as he spoke, surprised to see even his Loyal roommate standing there, listening intently. He caught the Loyal's eye briefly, but the slave looked away. Kalin glanced through the rest of the crowd, the stopped short.
Standing silently behind the people were five Warriors, swords drawn. In the light of the full moon, he could see Elthis, Taylin and Soran among them. He faltered, suddenly scared, but took a deep breath.
People began to look around and saw who was there, and the group suddenly was humming with panic. Kalin bit his lip, winced from the looks on the Warrior's faces, and continued. "Welcome, friends," he said. "I'm glad you've seen the light and come to join us."
The crowd parted and Elthis stepped through, flanked by the other Warriors. "Don't. Say. Another. Word," Elthis said, his voice strangely flat and emotionless. He grabbed Kalin by the arm and shoved him forward; one of the other Warriors bound his hands.
Kalin kept his head held high. He looked from left to right, at the silent crowd. "Remember Her," he urged them, before a gag was forced into his mouth.
"I told you to be silent," Elthis said, then to the crowd, "Go back to your beds, all of you. Remember this and none of you will be punished: this boy has said nothing worth hearing."
He motioned to the Warriors, and they walked away, dragging Kalin with them, his head still held high.
This was the second time the Warriors had listened to Kalin's sermon. One of the Loyal's had told the overseer about the weekly meeting, and they'd come to listen and to decide how to react the first week.
Elthis had been furious, of course, and was just about ready to give up on the bet and make an example of Kalin by executing him publicly. Then he'd come to a realization.
"There is more than one way to break the boy's spirit," Elthis had proclaimed to Taylin. "The boy wants his freedom more than anything."
Taylin nodded agreement.
"But he can't have it because of his belief in Kaleal. So if he stops believing, he gets his freedom."
"What?" Taylin had asked.
"You'll see, next week. For now, I have to make plans."
"Well, boy," Elthis sighed. They'd pulled him in to the small Church that adjoined the manor, and untied and ungagged him. "It's been a long struggle for you, hasn't it?"
Kalin didn't respond, but Elthis smiled nastily.
"This will surprise you boy: I'm ready to give up. I'm at my wit's end. I've punished you quite extensively, and you don't seem to care; just the opposite, you go out and tell your fellow slaves about a false Goddess.
"So I don't want to punish you any more. I want to give you what you want, I honestly do—I want to give you your freedom."
Kalin stared at him in shock.
"But I'm not allowed to. At least..." he paused. "Well, there is one way a slave can be freed. He just has to renounce Kaleal." Elthis smirked. "That's what you're going to do, boy. You're going to make an announcement to those same slaves tomorrow, and tell them the truth: Kaleal doesn't exist. Ocando does. You were wrong but now see the light.
"You tell them that, and you believe it. You vow it in this very church, and that's it. It's all over. You'll be a free man. I've even made arrangements for you; one of my friends would be willing to take you as a servant. You won't be paid much, but there you'll be free. You'll finally have your name."
Kalin just stared, and Elthis smiled. "I don't ever want to see you again after tomorrow. You've caused me too damn much trouble... Did you know you're not the first slave who's tried to preach to his friends? The usual punishment is to cut out the slave's tongue, and I suppose that would keep you from talking back to me.
"But I don't want to do that to you, boy. I want to give you your freedom."
"I..." Kalin stammered.
"Yes?"
"I need to... To think about it," Kalin managed, still stunned.
"Really? I'd think it would be an obvious choice. Your freedom or life as a slave. Plus punishment for this. But if you want to think about it..." Elthis shrugged, smirking. "You have until dawn. I'll set a guard at the door, but I'm sure you won't try to run away. Not when you're this close to freedom."
And then Elthis left. Kalin stared after him, shocked, barely able to comprehend what had just been offered.
My freedom. My... Freedom. No one chasing me, no one trying to hurt me. Free. Completely... But... How can I renounce Kaleal? Even if I lie when I say the words to Elthis, how can I tell my friends? They... They were just starting to believe in Her, because I gave them reason to. If I tell them otherwise, they'll never believe again.
But to be free... To be called by name, by free men. Free to be a man, to get married if I want, to have a family—
He stopped. Serissa. Elthis said I'd never see him again, and as far as I'm concerned, that's fine. But if I never see him again, I'll never see her again... And what's the point of having a wife it she isn't Riss?
What's the point of being free if it isn't so I can be with Riss?
But even as he thought it, he felt otherwise. He felt his muscles aching from working in the fields, something he'd never have to do again. He remembered the bruises, the scars, the broken bones... No one would ever hurt him again.
Elthis made it sound so simple. I just walk away from Kaleal, but if I leave Her, I leave Serissa... But if I leave them both, I'm free. And that's all I've ever wanted.
And then he was angry, with no reason to be. All I've ever wanted, Goddess damn! And what has She done for me, anyway? I've prayed every day since they dragged me on to this cursed Island, and she's never answered any of my prayers. I talk about strength but ultimately, I'm no stronger for Her. I talk about family, but my family—my real, blood family—was slaughtered, and where was She? I've suffered for ten years, for Her sake.
Maybe it's time I do something for my sake. Maybe it's time...
But to never see Serissa again...
The church was designed with a window in the ceiling, so that the Sun could show through and be celebrated. But it was night, and the full moon shone through the skylight. Kalin knelt in the silvery light, and whispered aloud, "Please. If You're there... Please give me a sign. Send me something so I'll know what to do..."
He heard the door to the church open, and looked up, startled. Taylin walked in, and shut the door gently behind him. "So this is what Elthis had planned," he sighed. "I should have figured it out."
"Had... Planned?" Kalin asked. Taylin nodded.
"We listened to you last week, too. Those were fine sermons you gave, boy; it's a shame you worship the wrong deity. Ocando needs more Priests who are that passionate."
"You were there last week? Then why...?"
"Why didn't we stop this after last week? Because Elthis wanted time to plan what he'd do to you... I didn't think this was what he'd had in mind, but sometimes he's quite clever. Though he doesn't understand why you'd have trouble choosing.
"On the one side is everything you love; on the other is everything you want. It's a harder choice than he knows. He never had to choose."
"Neither did you." Kalin rose.
"Yes, I did," Taylin corrected.
"Really? And who had the power to demand that a High Lord decide between his religion and his freedom? Who ever had the power to take away your freedom?"
"It's a very long story." Taylin sighed, thinking of Slenna. "And I wasn't speaking of the choice between religion and freedom, I meant love and freedom. Or did Elthis not tell you? Part of the deal is that you'll never see Serissa again."
"He didn't say it, but I figured it out."
"I thought you might have. You're a smart boy." Taylin paused. "I was a few years older than you are now; a hot-headed young Warrior. There was a battle. Not a skirmish with raiders, a real battle.
"One of the Knights was a woman, so I assumed that I could win that particular fight with no problem. I was wrong, though, and that woman was very skilled. One moment, I was fighting, and the next, I was unconscious.
"I came to on a ship. The Knights had taken me prisoner... They don't do that any more, for some reason, but they used to. Warriors would disappear and they never came back. None had ever returned after they were taken. Naturally, I knew what they were going to do to me.
"I didn't want to die, but I believed in Ocando. I believed that He would save me, or if He didn't, that I would go to Heaven when they executed me. And we... Myself and four other captured Warriors... Were carted off to a prison somewhere on that frozen chunk of ice where the Knights live.
"We waited tensely for a week or so, and then the Knights began to choose one of us a day. One of us would leave, and not come back. I was the fifth, and I saw four of my friends die hideous deaths. I didn't want to die.
"But... But the Knight who'd captured me... She was their leader, or at least, she was very high ranking. Her word carried a lot of weight, and for some reason, she didn't want them to kill me.
"I... I don't remember how it happened. Until recently, I didn't remember anything from the time I was on that Island, not how I got free, or how I survived two years. But what I remember is her.
"She was a Knight, like I said, and she was very beautiful. Obviously, I ignored that. She was a Knight, and I was a Warrior. But... There was something about her. Once she saved me from execution, she began to visit me every day.
"At first, I refused to speak to her at all. I refused to speak to any of them, or to answer their questions. But she never asked me questions, at least, not at first. She started by just... Talking. She was nice to me.
"The other Knights swore at me, abused me... Did lots of things I don't want to remember. But never when she was there, and she never hurt me. Never. And I spent a very long time there, and I got to know her very well.
"I..." Taylin bit his lip, almost unable to say the next sentence. "I fell in love with her. She was a Knight, but she was kind. And so beautiful... And by some miracle, she loved me back. I don't know how or why, but we wanted each other so badly...
"But I wanted my freedom, too. Of course I did. I was a Warrior, and I didn't survive well in that frozen jail. I loved her, though, so I endured it.
"But she loved me, too, and she didn't want to force me through it. So she offered me a choice. She wasn't supposed to, but she did anyway. She said I could turn my back on Ocando and stay with her, or I could escape, return to the Warriors, and we'd never see each other again."
Taylin couldn't even look up at Kalin. "I chose my freedom and my God."
Kalin didn't know how to answer any of this. He didn't want to care, and he definitely didn't want to feel sympathy for the Warrior... But the emotions in Taylin's voice were so raw, and the passion was so clear... When he spoke of the Knight, Kalin could feel the same love he had for Serissa. Perhaps... It was just a bare possibility... But perhaps Taylin really understood. It was a thought that Kalin could barely wrap himself around.
"I..." Kalin said. "I never knew you'd..."
"I don't talk about it often, because until a few weeks ago, I didn't remember it. I didn't remember her. But I do now. She was a very good Knight, Kalin, but even the most devoted people fall in love, and you can't help who you love. Ocando gave her to me, but I left her.
"I... I don't know if I made the right choice. Maybe if I'd stayed, I would be happier now. I'd be with an amazing woman. Maybe have children... A son." Maybe I'd call you my son. "I never saw my Knight again, Kalin. And I'd give anything to be with her. I'd give my title, my wealth. I'd give up my God to hold that woman in my arms again."
"Why... Why did you tell me this?" Kalin asked.
"Because I'm starting to think I made a mistake. And I don't want you to live the rest of your life having made the same mistake, not if I can prevent it... Serissa is a wonderful woman, and she needs you almost as much as you need her. You'll never be together they way you should be, but... But you'll be together. And you'll still have Kaleal."
Kalin watched him silently, thinking. Then another thought occurred to him, and his eyes narrowed into a glare. "I'll still have Serissa and Kaleal," he hissed. "And if I say no, you'll win your damned bet."
Taylin stared back at him in disbelief. I've just told this boy more than anyone has ever known, and he thinks... He thinks I'm trying to win a bet?
"I've just... I've just told you something that was so painful for me that I blocked it out for fourteen years, and you think I'm doing this because I want to win a bet? What are you, stupid? I don't give a damn about the bet. I care about you, you idiot, you and Serissa. And Slenna." He took a deep breath. "But you won't believe me, because I'm a Warrior. So just... Just think about this. Please."
Kalin didn't say anything as Taylin walked back out of the Church.
"If that was supposed to be my sign," he muttered aloud to the moon, "then You're very confusing."
Dawn had barely begun to appear on the horizon, when Kalin was lead to Elthis' office. The Warrior was standing behind his desk, and watched the slave with a greedy anticipation. "Well, boy, you've had the night to think about my offer." He laughed. "So what do you choose, your freedom, or your false Goddess?"
Kalin looked up at the Warrior, and took a deep breath. "I..."