(Sometimes this story gets too strange, even for us. This originally went in chapter two of What Happened Then, instead of the scene where everyone watches The West Wing. After trying forever, Rachel couldn't make it work, and this happened; she moved on and came back to rewrite it later. Enjoy.)
"AAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!"
"Cal! Stop screaming!" Lisa looked horrified, and with good reason; Cal never ever screamed. He was so... quiet. And hippieish.
"I can't," Cal said wearily. He threw his head back and began to holler Charlie Brown style. "AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!"
"Cal! Whatıs wrong? Are you dying?"
Now Cal just looked disgusted. "No. But as the official representative of the writers of these idiotic stories I have to reflect the author's inability to write this stupid scene. It seems that in spite of three days of trying all she can write is this schlock. And it's making her want to scream. So... AAAAAUUUUG—"
Lisa hauled off and slapped him across the face. Cal stopped in astonishment.
"You hit me!"
"You keep screaming in my ear!"
"It's not my fault!"
"But I enjoy slapping people. Look, stop screaming and I'll help you out, ok?"
Cal gave her a withering glare. "Oh, and you can make this scene work, I suppose?"
"Watch me," Lisa said smugly. She cleared her throat. "Oh, gee," she said really loudly, "I sure hope that Felix wanders by soon to tell us about his test score."
Felix wandered by, looking dazed.
"How did you do that?" Cal demanded.
Lisa shrugged. "I'm essentially a plot device myself a lot of the time, so I know how to work the system."
"Felix!" Cal called. "Hey! Did you get your test score yet?"
Felix looked even more dazed. "Mr. Dylan... I think I... I think my grade..."
"What?" Lisa demanded. "What? Did you pass or fail? If you passed we can go celebrate, and if you failed we need time to come up with a wacky plan to keep you in school. The way this story is going it'll probably involve a time travelling phone booth and George Carlin, and god knows no one wants that, so spit it out!"
"Seventy... eight!"
"Seventy eight what? Times we've broken the fourth wall or pop culture references?" Cal asked.
"My grade!"
"That's passing! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Lisa began screaming and jumping up and down. She was incredibly piercing.
"Ha! Now I get to slap you back!" Cal said triumphantly.
Lisa paused in mid scream and bounce. "Nuh uh."
"Why not?"
"Because that'd be wrong. I'm a girl. These are the laws of the universe, silly. When I slap you it's funny. When you slap me it's cruel and evil. So you can't. Nah!" She stuck her tongue out at Cal, who narrowed his eyes Eric-style.
"I'll pay you back," he muttered. "Wait, what am I saying? I'm a pacifist! I don't wish harm on others!"
"Yeah. Ha!"
"I narrate harm on others!" Cal grinned evilly. And a coconut dropped off the tree behind Lisa, nailing her right on the head.
"Owww!" She looked down. "No fair! You cheat! There aren't any coconuts in Pallis!" She made an evil face.
A chair dropped out of the sky and landed on Calıs head.
"That's no fair!" he hollered.
A tree fell over on Lisa.
One of the walls of the school fell on Cal.
"Umm..." Felix said hesitantly. "I'm terribly sorry. We seem to have gotten kind of silly. We'll be back after these three little stars."