The four lads sat near the back of the auditorium for auditions, feet kicked up on the rows of chairs in front of them. Eric's were spit-shined, Felix's were muddy, Cal had replaced them with a pair of Birkenstocks, and Jasper wore a pair of sneakers. Lisa was sitting in the front row with friends-as it turned out, she did have a group of her own-gossiping.
Jasper could have swear he heard his name mentioned, but decided not to ask. An adult entered the room, presumably Madame Blanche. She was short, squat, and intensely ugly, with limbs that appeared too short for her body and badly styled orange-red hair. She sat on the stage at the front of the room, crossed her arms, and glared about.
"You four, get up here with the rest of the group!" she snapped at the group in the back. "And get your feet off the chairs, and you-what happened to your dress shoes?"
Cal shrugged, as the four stood grudgingly and walked towards to join the rest of the group. "You—What's your name?" she demanded of Jasper.
"It's—uh—Jasper. Tulsi. Jasper Tulsi. I'm from, uh..." he shrugged. "Y'know. Not here. It's, uh..."
She ignored him and began a speech about picking only the very best of the best and how putting on the musical would require hard work and dedication. The speech was punctuated with an annoying and forced laugh, and an occasional bout of yelling at either Cal or Felix.
"When does your plan kick in?" Felix whispered. Eric pulled out his laptop, flipped it open and called up what looked like blueprints of the building. He zoomed in on the auditorium and then on the stage and two doors.
"Synchronize your watches," he answered. "Felix, I need you to go get a drink or something, Calvin, you too. Go by different—"
"No talking!" snapped Madame Blanche.
Eric gave her an annoyed look from behind his sunglasses, which he wore even while inside. She returned to her speech and he went back to his. "Go by different doors, make sure you press the handle at exactly—" he paused to type a time into his computer— "exactly four-oh-three and eight seconds."
"Uh, Eric, I really don't want to be involved in homicide here-"
"Shut up, Cal, this is our mission. And besides, you know what'll happen if she lives."
"I'll go!" Jasper volunteered. Eric gave him a suspicious look, then nodded.
"Okay. Four oh three and eight seconds. Move out!" Eric ordered.
Felix and Jasper exchanged looks and stood simultaneously and began to head for opposite auditorium doors. As they stood, Madame Blanche's nasty glare settled on them. "Volunteers to go first?" she snarked.
Felix shrugged and Jasper fidgeted nervously. She pointed an accusing finger at him. "You! Up on stage!" she ordered.
"Uh... Okay." He shrugged cheerily, bounced down the rows and jumped on to the stage. Madame Blanche handed him a piece of paper with the words and music to "The Rainbow Connection," and nodded to an aging man who was sitting at the piano.
As the elderly man began to play the song's introduction, Jasper began to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, I think that this is, y'know, an important-an important statement. This song is really about more than, it's more about-how you feel, more than you look. More than how you look."
Eric muttered, "He finishes one sentence out of four," to himself, wondering if he would be forced to blow up his new found "friend."
The introduction ended and Jasper actually began to sing. He started off in a baby-voice, singing sweetly and almost inaudibly. By the end of the first line, he was projecting—and more than that, emoting. The emotion in every line was written in how he stood, how he held his hands, his expression. There was enough showmanship involved in his singing that even Madame Blanche had to stop and blink at him.
"Thank you, ladies and gents!" he proclaimed, waving cheerily. He'd instantly snapped from a melodramatic melancholy at the song's end to his normal, cheerful demeanor. "It's been a pleasure singing for you tonight!"
A few students clapped in confusion, the stopped and looked resentful. "He's actually good," Cal murmured. Felix nodded in agreement. Eric muttered something to himself and began typing furiously, glancing furtively at Jasper, who was bouncing back towards them.
"Was that okay?" he asked anxiously. "I wanted to give it a better intro but—What I mean is, I couldn't think—I..." He shrugged before Eric could decide to punch him.
"Interesting. Good," Felix said. "You'll get an awful part, but that's because Madame Blanche is evil."
As if in response, she ordered Felix on stage. He seemed calm and reserved after Jasper's energetic rendition, but sang a good baritone version and then sat back down.
"Hey, that was really good!" Jasper congratulated Felix enthusiastically.
Felix started to mumble a disclaimer but was cut off by Eric commenting without looking up from his laptop, "Wow, you got that sentence out in one try! Nice job." Jasper lapsed into sulky silence.
Madame Blanche then proclaimed it Cal's turn, and then Eric's. Both sang well and had good stage presence, but it was the same audition as every other year-pointless. Lisa sang after her brother and over-emoted shamelessly. Next up were a bunch of girls who sang in a falsetto which so far above their actual ranges that they were almost inaudible. Madame Blanche gave them all lots of encouragement, and it became clear who the teacher's pets were.
The next person to catch the crowd's attention introduced himself as Bo "The Rock" Kentun. He sang passably but not great, and Jasper got the distinct impression he was being glared at. The self-described Rock was at least six feet tall a with linebacker's shoulders and a nasty scowl. Jasper shrank back into his chair. "I bet he takes a swing at me before the week is over," he muttered to himself.
"Stop foreshadowing," Cal responded sharply.
Singing auditions dragged on for awhile longer, until Felix was left snoring lightly and Jasper was no longer able to sit still. Madame Blanche finally released them for half an hour, reminding them that anyone who was late for acting auditions wouldn't even be considered for a large part.
The lads woke Felix and decided, after much pleading from Jasper, to slip in to the a teacher's lounge and steal a few cups of coffee.
"How do we get inside? Only teachers have the key!" Jasper asked anxiously.
Eric gave him a disgusted look over his glasses. "We blow the door up."
"He means, he has a key," Felix clarified, sweatdropping.
"No, I mean-"
"Blowing the door up would be too loud," Cal pointed out. "Besides, we can only destroy so many things in one story."
They arrived at the teacher's lounge, and Eric produced a key from a pocket. "Watch for teachers," he directed, unlocking the door. He pulled Jasper in with him, leaving Felix and Cal as guards.
The lounge was an oasis of snack foods and coffee. Eric found four mugs pretty easily, leading Jasper to suspect this wasn't the first time the lounge had been raided. "If you want, I can get some candy out of the machine. A plastic explosive should do the trick," Eric offered.
"Uh, no thanks... Where do you keep all of these explosives?"
Eric gave him a suspicious look. "If I tell you, I'll also have to assume you work for them and I'll have to kill you." For some reason, Jasper didn't think he was joking.
Jasper turned towards a coffee machine on a counter, which seemed to be sparkling with an ethereal glow and he could swear there was a choir of angels singing, "Ohhhmmm!" He helped himself, downing a full mug of black coffee and pouring himself another one for the road. Eric poured the other three mugs, took a few sips of one and was interrupted by the door opening.
Felix leaned inside. "Uh, we heard voices and—"
He stumbled forward suddenly, as a hulking figure shoved him out of the way. Much to no one's surprise, it was "The Rock" and two of his henchmen. (One was tall and skinny, the other shorter and much wider.)
Cal stepped inside, glanced at the thugs and muttered to himself, "Oh please, could they be more stereotypical henchmen?"
Eric glanced at them, unimpressed, over his glasses and continued to drink his coffee. Jasper took a few nervous gulps, as everyone in the room stared at everyone else. "Think you can break in here, Donnely, just 'cause your parents own the place?" Rock demanded of Eric.
He didn't even pause. "Yup." Eric set his coffee down, crossed his arms and glared.
"Yeah well... You're..." Rock trailed off, trying to think of a comeback to Eric's completely inarguable statement. He settled for a moment of glowering at Eric, then Felix and Cal in turn. His gaze finally settled on Jasper, who was halfway through his second cup of coffee.
It did nothing to calm his nerves. "What the hell are you wearing?" the Rock demanded of the less intimidating target.
"Clothing, why, do two syllable words confuse you?" Jasper shot back, smiling cheerfully. It was evident he'd had this conversation before.
The Rock paused, as the insult sank in. "What?"
"Well, I assumed that you earned your nickname because your brain was, y'know, made of rock," Jasper explained, as if to a stupid child. "Otherwise, I figured you'd know what 'clothing' was."
Everyone else in the room oooo'ed and stepped back. Cal nodded. "Somehow, I'm not surprised. All that foreshadowing couldn't go to waste."
"Stop talking to the readers!" Felix hissed. "Especially when we're trying to work up dramatic tension!"
"Sorry."
The Rock pushed up his sleeves and stepped forward purposefully.
Jasper glanced at him, at his friends, at the thugs, and at the door. Growling, Rock took a swing at him. Jasper ducked out of the way with ease born from practice and bolted out the door, coffee mug still in hand. Rock cursed and dashed out after him, leaving Felix, Cal and Eric to his friends.
The wider of the two thugs rushed towards Cal, who held his arms up in an ineffective defense. The thugs knocked his arms aside and punched him in the face, bloodying his nose and irritating him. "Hey man, calm down," Cal said, backing away.
Felix tried to defend himself, but the taller thug punched him in the stomach before he could really come up with a plan. He doubled over and stomped on the henchman's foot as he caught his breath, then straightened and punched his attacker. It connected due to sheer luck, and would leave a nasty bruise.
There was a sudden, high-pitched shriek from the hallway outside. The fighters froze instantly and listened for the disturbance. A shrill voice outside was screaming almost incoherently; all the lads could actually hear was, "Never in my life.... coffee!... in the teacher's lounge.... serious trouble!"
The students who'd been fighting backed away from each other guiltily, wiping off blood and fixing their uniforms. Eric sipped his coffee calmly, as the door banged open and Madame Blanche strode into the room. She looked deadly angry, and coffee dripped down the front of her dress. In one hand, she held the coffee mug last seen in Jasper's possession, and she was dragging Jasper in after her, clutching one of his arms. He looked guilty and confused.
"How did you get in here?" she demanded, as the students did their best to ignore her glare.
"A key," Eric answered, as Rock strode in. He stood just inside the doorway and looked smug, mouthing things like "You're dead," to Jasper.
"Your disrespect for school property and rules and teachers has clearly gotten out of hand the Donnelys will hear of this and-"
Eric cut her off with, "And...?" She glared at him.
"You! Just because your family owns this school does not give you the right to disrespect school property or teachers, and of all people you should know better and set a good example, for..." she looked at Jasper with a deep loathing, releasing his arm.
"And you. It's your first day, and you have already made the worst possible impression—if this is how you behave, I don't blame these boys a bit—" she became to enraged to finish her sentences.
Jasper stammered, "But I didn't—I just tripped, I—"
"Jeepers," Rock said, oozing insincerity, "of all of the teachers you could attack, you had to choose our beloved Madame Blanche." Eric made an less than subtle gagging noise, and neither Cal or Felix could resist snickering. Jasper just looked horrified.
"Now there's a student who knows how to behave," Blanche said, beaming at Rock. "So—Mr. Ashkay, Mr. Ledbetter, I'll see you in detention tomorrow afternoon. Mr. Tulsi will report to detention for the entire week. And as for you—" she pointed accusingly at Eric— "I can't give you detention, but this has cost you your lead!"
"What a shame," he replied, his voice flat.
"I'll see you back at auditions in three minutes. You—" she now pointed to Jasper— "clean up the mess in the hallway."
With that, she slammed the mug on to a counter and left the room, followed by the smirking bullies who'd received no punishment at all.
"But it was an accident—I didn't, I just tripped—I had to catch myself and the mug—I didn't see her there, and..." Jasper stopped. "But I don't want detention!"
Cal had stopped bleeding and washed his hands in the teacher's sink. "No worries," he comforted. "It doesn't take Eric more than three minutes to delete the detention list from the school computers."
"Three minutes?" Eric scoffed. "Please, I could do it in less than that in my sleep!"
"So, do you... Uh... Get into fights a lot?" Felix asked Jasper.
"Well, y'know, sometimes..."
"But not so much as he, 'y'know,' runs away," Eric mocked, mimicking Jasper's speech pattern. He paused. "Not that I blame you. Coffee?" He offered the two mugs that remained full to Cal and Felix, who accepted them.
"Is there another—I could use some more coffee," Jasper said hesitantly.
Eric gave him a look of doom. "You. Don't. Need. Caffeine."
*
The rest of the audition was dull. People were paired up to read for various parts while Madame Blanche observed. She scowled each time one of the lads took the stage, but applauded Lisa's audition with Jasper. "We work well together," Lisa said as she walked and Jasper bounced back to their seats.
"Uh..." was the response, as Jasper sat down between Eric and Felix. "Was that good—I mean, I know that the part I get won't be—that is, since the coffee and Madame Blanche—"
"It was fine," Eric said, typing something into his laptop. He looked up. "I deleted the detention list, she'd already put you three on."
The other three thanked him, and watched the auditions drag on.
"This place is haunted, you realize," Eric said, suddenly looking up from his computer. "It's something of a school legend. Strange noises come from backstage, eerie lights go on in the middle of the night, that kind of thing."
"Uh... Okay," Jasper said.
"Rumor has it that back when this was a real theater, before the school was founded, some actress mentioned the Scottish Play and died opening night. Fell from the catwalk or something."
"Uh... Okay. Um, why are you telling me this?" Jasper asked.
Eric shrugged. "Strange urge came over me."
"Almost like you were being used for exposition?" Cal suggested.
Eric glared at him and Felix sighed. "Would you stop that? That's about the seventh time in this story alone that you've broken the fourth wall. I think our readers are bright enough to pick out badly done exposition for themselves, and I'm sure the authors would appreciate you not pointing out every cheesy literary device they've been using!"
Cal shrugged, Felix rolled his eyes, Eric went back to his computer and Jasper looked confused. "I thought I was Exposition Boy!"
"Would you shut up? You're not supposed to come off as this dumb, just confused and cute." The normally peaceful Cal was getting irritated.
"I'm not dumb! ... Oh, right, thanks."
Felix's attention wandered away from auditions and away from the argument his friends were having. Jasper was defending himself to Eric, no longer particularly afraid, and Eric was responding with the same friendly yet nasty insults he used on Felix and Cal. Felix took it as a sign that Jasper was already fitting in.
He thought to himself, This is going to be a strange year... and smiled.