Gents & Dames
Nineteen: Marry the Man Today
Sarah had only just finished changing into the nicer dress when Nathan came knocking. She wasn't entirely sure how he'd gotten in, since he wasn't invited and it wasn't exactly traditional to let strange men in to see the bride. But she answered the door unthinkingly and found him holding his hat in his hand.
"What do you want?" she asked crisply, then shook her head. "No, never mind -- I don't care. You are not welcome here; please leave, or I'll scream until someone removes you."
Nathan all but winced when she said that, but answered, "Miss Sarah, please. I know Thomas -- Adelaide is here. I need to speak with him."
"I don't see any reason why he should wish to speak with you," she answered. But Adelaide stepped up behind her, saw Nathan, and made a disdainful noise.
"Can I at least give him this?" Nathan asked. He held up a thick envelope.
Sarah glanced back at Adelaide, who shrugged, so she reached forward and accepted it. She passed it back to Adelaide and waited curiously, then heard, "Oh. Oh, my." At her questioning glance, Adelaide said, "It's the money he owes me. It's... all the money he owes me."
Nathan cleared his voice. "Yeah. I decided -- I decided it was better to be in debt to Jack, who can afford it, than to you, who I...love." He paused. "Please, I just -- for a minute?"
Sarah glanced at Adelaide again, and Adelaide hesitated, then nodded, so Sarah stood aside. Nathan stepped into the room awkwardly, and neither Sarah's nor Adelaide's gaze was especially kind or forgiving. Finally, he cleared his throat. "Nick told me where to find you," he started.
"Ah," Adelaide said. "I didn't think you'd especially care to come look for me."
"Of course I -- of course I did, Adelaide," Nathan said. "I mean, everything I owed you..."
"Yes, well. We're square now, so you can feel free to remove yourself from my presence. This is a wedding, a joyous occasion, and I don't think Miss Sarah needs a two-bit gambler around, mucking up her day. And since I have nothing more to say to you, well."
Nathan nodded. "Yeah, I'll -- I'll go in just a minute. I'm not here to cause trouble. I just needed to... To pay up. And tell you something." Adelaide made no response, and Nathan continued quickly, "Look, the way I see it -- the way I see it is, now I'm paid up. I don't owe you money anymore, right?" A nod. "And I'm fired; I'm not asking for my job back. I'm not...not asking for anything, Adelaide, except time."
"Time?" Adelaide repeated skeptically.
Nathan nodded. "You certainly don't owe me any, god knows. But... Time. With you. To prove to you that I -- love you."
"Hmph," Adelaide scoffed. "Easy to say."
"But don't it mean something that I'm here -- I'm begging?" Nathan pleaded. "I've paid you back; I never should have been in your debt to begin with. I took advantage of you, I know I did, but I'm done with that now. Really, I'm -- I'm here because I want to make that all up to you."
Adelaide sighed. "Nathan, I know you're sorry, but I can't -- I just can't do this anymore. I love you, but every nasty word you say hurts, and you weren't saying them because of the debt."
Nathan fell silent for a long minute, and Adelaide began to study his nails, as if searching out some tiny imperfection. Sarah retreated to the edge of the room to watch in silent fascination.
Finally, Nathan said, "That's...true."
"I'm aware it is," Adelaide snapped.
"But some of it was the debt," he pressed on. "I mean, it was -- it was about pride. Mine. I thought about what you said yesterday, what you called me, and it killed me because you were right. I been mad at you for doing better than me, and -- and wearing high heels at the same time. That ain't exactly easy for a man to take!"
"All I did was help!" Adelaide protested. "I tried to help, and you threw it back in my face!"
"I know," Nathan groaned. "I...I know that. It's just hard. Everything's hard. You and me -- being what we are, Tom. It's hard, and even you gotta admit, you don't make it any easier."
"What, because I wear a dress?"
"Yes, because you wear a dress! Okay, because you wear a dress and you walk around like it don't matter and it ain't weird, and it is. Even you must know that. Maybe it ain't how you feel, but you -- you're one of a kind, Thomas. And I love you for it. But it ain't normal."
"I am what I am," Adelaide answered with an edge of fierceness in his voice, even as feminine as it was. "I know the rest of the world thinks it's better than me, well, I don't give a damn. I don't think anyone out there's any better than me. I'm not going to hide."
"I know," Nathan said. "But it ain't as easy for me. But I...I like being with you, because you make me feel... Just, brave."
"Brave?" Adelaide repeated skeptically.
"Yeah. Brave. Maybe you ain't normal, and maybe I been ashamed of it sometimes, but when I see you I think -- I think, I don't care what no one thinks, no one, 'cause I don't care as long as I've got you. Dress or pants, you're all I want."
"That's not quite what I recall," Adelaide snapped.
"What? I never..." He trailed off. "You don't mean..."
Sarah watched understanding come to Nathan's features as his eyes widened in genuine surprise.
"Thomas! That ain't fair! Tell me you ain't serious, please."
Adelaide raised an eyebrow and glanced at Sarah. Nathan stared at her, too. Sarah tried to be invisible; she didn't want to interrupt.
"You think I want -- him and me -- oh, no. No, no, Adelaide," Nathan said quickly. "I made a mistake. I was a kid, and he was -- you know what he's like -- and it was stupid."
"But you left me for him," Adelaide answered. "And you only came back when he made it obvious he wasn't interested anymore."
"It was a long time ago!" Nathan half-yelled, obviously frustrated. "You oughtta know better than anyone I've hated him since..." He trailed off, with another guilty look at Sarah.
"No," Adelaide said. "I know better than anyone that you only hated him that much because of how hurt you were when he moved on. And I was a decent consolation prize, someone you could use, but to this day the way you're mad at him, you can't say you don't feel something for him!"
"No, I don't. I mean, of course I did -- did, back then. You know what he's like! He makes it so easy to -- to just -- to adore him, and I think he doesn't even mean to. Everyone was half in love with him. Even you."
Adelaide looked away.
"But I was just a kid, and maybe I thought I loved him, but I didn't know what love was," Nathan pressed on. "I thought it was all -- flash, shallow. But it's not. It's every day, and it's wanting to be with a man even if you know..." He took a deep breath. "Even if you know you're going to fight sometimes, because it's just how you are. And it's wanting to be with a man so much you'll swallow your pride and be honest." Another breath. "It's never gonna be easy to know you been with other men, or to walk down the street with you wearing a dress. But I don't care if it's hard. You make me brave, I want to be with you, Thomas Ballatt, forever."
Adelaide started to speak, stopped, started to stand, stopped, and finally folded his hands in his lap and sighed deeply. "I want to believe you, Nathan. I just... How can I? After everything, how?"
"I'll do anything," Nathan said. He moved closer, and finally dropped to kneel by the chair. He took Adelaide's hands in his own and repeated, "Anything. Just tell me what to do."
"I don't know," Adelaide answered, but didn't pull away. "I want -- Nathan -- I just don't know."
"Well if you're done pretending I'm too stupid to realize you were discussing Jack just now," Sarah put in, "I may have an idea."
*
David wandered into the synagogue almost in a daze. He hurried to where he knew Ari would be, waiting with the other men in the ceremony, barely nodding and greeting the people he ran into along the way. And he found Ari, Nathan, and Les tucked into a room together.
"David!" Les greeted him. "Congratulations! How was the library?"
"Huh?" David said, trying to clear his head.
"Library?" Les repeated. "That big building with all the books, where you spend most of your time."
David chuckled a little to cover his discomfort. "It was -- fine. I mean, great, actually. No crises! I met President Taft, he shook my hand. The mayor brought an extra guest, but..." He trailed off.
"Great," Les said. "Yeah, we've got some extras here, too."
David regarded Nathan, who was pacing madly, wearing an ill-fitting tuxedo. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
Nathan looked over and answered, sounding sort of strangled, "Getting married."
To which David rationally responded, "To whom?"
"Adelaide," he answered.
David blinked. "Oh."
Nathan cleared his throat. "I'm...sorry, by the way. About everything, you know, the last couple days."
David nodded. He was still so overwhelmed by Jack that he barely remembered that his anger at Nathan. So he just said, "Oh, it's -- it's fine."
"Are you okay?" Les asked suspiciously.
David nodded. "Just... A little overwhelmed after the opening, is all."
"Ahhh," Les said. "I guess that makes sense." He sounded mildly suspicious, but finally said, "Have you told Sarah you're here?"
"Not yet," he said. "I should go do that."
"She and Adelaide are down the hall," Les said, then paused. "David, don't take this the wrong way, but you keep some very odd company."
"You don't know the half of it," Ari mumbled, as David left the room to hurry to where his sister waited.
Sarah let him in to the room she and Adelaide had appropriated, and for a second David had to gape. Adelaide was wearing a dress he was almost entirely certain was designed for a stage number -- and thus to be entirely detachable. It had a campy, theater look to it, and Adelaide's makeup was rather heavy and overdone. He looked a little scandalous...And that was without taking into consideration that he was a man in a dress.
"David!" Sarah said cheerily, and kissed his cheek. "Tell us all about it."
"About what?"
"The library," she said, and glanced at Adelaide. "What else?"
"Nothing!" he said. "Nothing else, I just -- I'm a little startled. Adelaide, you...?"
"Yes, well, Sarah was kind enough to offer to share her wedding, the rabbi was kind enough to agree to marry us, and Nathan was kind enough to propose."
"So you can be an honest woman at last?" David laughed a little. "And did you mention to the rabbi that you're not a woman?"
"No. I also didn't mention we're not Jewish. What he doesn't know won't hurt us."
"Ah." David smiled bemusedly. "That makes perfect sense."
It was funny, though. Adelaide and Nathan getting married -- in public, no less. The same day that Jack... He and Jack...
"David, are you all right?" Sarah asked, her voice slightly concerned. "You look pale and... Here, sit down."
He followed her instructions and sat, though the feeling of Jack was somehow still all around him.
"Did something happen at the library, David? You seem...not entirely with us," Sarah continued cautiously.
"I..." He looked up at Sarah and finally sighed. "Jack was at the opening. With the mayor."
Sarah and Adelaide exchanged looks. Sarah sat down next to David and said, "What happened?"
"He just wanted to talk to me." David sighed. "He gave me a train ticket and," he hesitated for a second, then finished, "offered me a job with his company in California."
"Oh. My," Sarah said.
"What did you tell him?" Adelaide asked.
David couldn't tell them nothing, which was all he'd really managed to say to Jack; but then, it wasn't about the job anyway. The job was Jack's cover for just... wanting him. Wanting to be with him. Something David had never, ever imagined. But aloud, he said, "Well, no. Of course I told him no. It's Jack."
"David, when it comes to you and Jack, you using your better senses is never a sure thing," Sarah told him.
David flushed a tiny bit, knowing she was right. But he shook his head and said, "I know, Jack's Jack and all, but I'm not stupid and I'm not crazy."
"No?" Sarah said. "What job did he offer you?"
"A partnership," David said wryly. "Or something like it."
"A partnership," she repeated incredulously. "In Standard Oil of California? And you turned that down?"
"Of course I did! It's Jack. Of all people, Sarah, you know why I couldn't take it!"
"No," she snapped. "I know why I couldn't take it. Jack left because of me, David. He never wanted to leave you."
"I can't say yes because of you," David returned. "You're my sister. I could never..."
"Did you want to?" she asked.
He stared.
"I thought so," she answered, satisfied.
"I don't," David said, but it sounded weak, even to him. "I can't, and I shouldn't, anyway," he continued, as if that strengthened it. "I have a job here, a good job. That I love. And friends, and my family, and my apartment. And Jack's just... not reliable. It was you he left, maybe, but he still left."
"Those are excuses, not reasons," Sarah answered. "And so help me, David... If California -- if Jack is what you want and you use me as an excuse to not go after him, I will never speak to you again."
"You don't understand," David mumbled.
"I do, better than you think." She looked him in the eye, and he looked away first, realizing she understood better than he'd thought. He flushed a little. "David, I know you. And I know what you were like when you and Jack were... Friends. And you've never been happier. And -- David -- I know Jack wouldn't have made me that happy, not year after year; but I know that Ari will. I can't forgive Jack, but I'm glad I'm not married to him. I'm happy now."
He stared at her, looking beautiful in her bridal gown; he saw the concerned understanding on her face. She put a hand gently on his arm.
"I'm happy," she repeated. "And you deserve to be happy, too."
*
Years later, most people who'd been at the wedding remembered that what would have been a simple, lovely ceremony took a turn for the decidedly odd with the second couple. There was something not quite right about them, and not just because it sounded like Nathan had memorized the Hebrew phonetically in ten minutes before the ceremony. He and Adelaide made an odd pair; she was slightly taller and certainly broader-shouldered than he was. And the way they looked at each other was almost embarrassing. It was obvious from the way they spoke their vows that they loved each other, but it was also obvious from the way they kissed that love wasn't the only thing on their minds.
After everyone left the synagogue, Nathan and Adelaide were nowhere to be found at the reception. No one seemed to know where they had disappeared to, but Sarah and Ari -- the normal couple, who had kissed demurely and sweetly, like normal couples were meant to -- told everyone that it was fine and they didn't mind that any more than they'd minded sharing the ceremony to begin with.
Everyone remembered the crowd hoisting the bride and groom up and dancing around them. Ari stomped on what had been an expensive glass and everyone cheered. And of course Sarah's mother cried, so thrilled that her only daughter had finally shed the pain of her first love and shed her reputation with it, getting married at last.
But a few of the more observant wedding-goers also remembered seeing one of Sarah's brothers sitting off by himself, staring at his glass of wine as if it held the answer to some great, unspoken question.